. There's a guy from my distant past who periodically calls me on birthdays and holidays. We dated for a few years when I was in my 20s (30+ years ago) and living on Cape Cod. I haven't seen him since but somehow he got my phone number maybe 6 years ago and has kept calling ever since, despite my telling him I was engaged, married, had no interest, etc.
Each time he's called, I've told him I don't wish to maintain contact with him. Some here have called him a stalker.
He called today, randomly, and told me again that he has terminal emphysema, that the doctor said he has a year or so to live. I don't think he's making it up. His voice sounds different, and he was a smoker way back then, which we were both in our 20s. He said he's using inhalers.
If you've told someone you don't want them to call you and he continues to do so anyway, does it make a difference that he has a terminal illness? I feel sad for him, that there is apparently no one in his life right now that he can turn to, that he has to call an old girlfriend who repeatedly rebuffs him. But does that make him my responsibility?
I told him again anyway that I'd asked him not to call me, and kept the conversaton brief. Of course now I have a huge guilt trip for doing that to a lonely guy who might have emphysema and just wants someone to talk to.
I said Mike, I'm really sorry to hear about your illness, but I've asked you not to call here. He's like, I know, but I was just remembering all the good times we had... and I cut him off. He said, I thought it would be nice to keep in touch. I said but Mike, that's only if the other person wants to keep in touch too. He's like oh, that's too bad. I told him I'd moved on. Anyway, that's pretty much how the whole conversation went.
Am I heartless? I'd rather think not, but I don't like people trying to push a relationship on you when you'd really rather not. We had a violent breakup and it's all ancient history.
Some may call me heartless
October 16th, 2012 at 05:34 pm
October 16th, 2012 at 06:03 pm 1350406983
October 16th, 2012 at 07:01 pm 1350410510
It is unfortunate he has emphysema.
October 16th, 2012 at 08:00 pm 1350414047
October 16th, 2012 at 09:17 pm 1350418625
Emphysema develops over a lifetime and in my experience people who have it are often in denial until the point they go on oxygen, or even until their death. It is not news you get suddenly one day. Your old BF may have the habit of being in long term denial of all kinds of things. Brace yourself for other calls; perhaps be ready to suggest he talk to clergy or counselor.
October 16th, 2012 at 10:04 pm 1350421489
Who knows, he may have a lot of people rebuffing him.
October 16th, 2012 at 10:30 pm 1350423009
October 16th, 2012 at 10:30 pm 1350423022
If you have CallerId stop answering or left the machine get it from here on out. Maybe, if you feel like you must answer, you should tell him that your memories of him are not so fond because he was violent/scary.
October 16th, 2012 at 11:19 pm 1350425997
October 17th, 2012 at 12:26 am 1350429965
October 17th, 2012 at 02:42 am 1350438129