One week after the horrific shootings in Sandy Hook, I am overcome by the outpouring of love and support. Our weekly newspaper, which covers just our town, was filled with evidence of the compassion of people everywhere.

A man from Mississippi anonymously bought lunch one day this past week for every person ordering a sandwich at the General Store. Amazingly, 2 others did similar things on 2 other days.

There have been so many teddy bears and stuffed animals donated, that today the town is having a toy distribution and has invited residents to stop by the town hall to pick one out. Our local paper is doing the same thing.

Local businesses are finding ways to give to the community as it grieves. The local sports center opened its doors to children and arranged for all sorts of children's activities to give kids and their parents a break from all the goings on here. Over 2,000 attended.

The Parks & Rec Dept is raising funds for a memorial to those slain. Close to $2 million has already been raised toward scholarship funds. A local chiropractor is giving away free adjustments to locals who need it. Therapy dogs from all over the country have arrived here.

A woman from Iowa, a teacher, drove all the way to New Jersey, where she had friends, baked 240 pies, and then gave them away to passers-by in front of our old town hall. A church in Hartford, CT made up hundreds of doggie bags filled with peanut butter dog biscuits, which are now being made available to dog owners in town. It's really quite amazing.

The newspaper's letters to the editor column was filled with letters of support from as far away as Scotland, England and Australia. There were also many full page ads from out of state individuals, organization and companies I'd never heard of expressing their support.

The vigils in neighboring towns continue and the makeshift memorials have multiplied on every major intersection of the town, filled with candles, toys and flowers. The one surrounding our famous flagpole, which stands in the center of Main Street, had to be moved elsewhere because the pile was becoming a traffic hazard.

I truly hope these children did not die in vain, and that the momentum inspired by the tragedy will lead to meaningful new legislation concerning gun control. You don't need a Glock to go hunting. Private citizens don't need military style weapons, period. Or ammo clips with 30 rounds in them.

Ludicrously, I heard an NRA representative on an NPR talk show suggest that teachers be allowed to carry firearms inside the schools. How many more lives would be lost in the panic and confusion of another school shooting?

More recently, I heard the NRA has suggested that a police officer should be on the premises of every school in America.I am quite sure they have only suggested this because they've heard the outcry against firearms in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings and they realize that if they remain silent, they may lose the ability to carry certain firearms.

So they are trying to shift the conversation from making it harder for deranged individuals or high-powered weapons fanatics to obtain them to simply beefing up police presence in an elementary school.

Today was a pretty nice day.

My boss, my boss's boss and a co-worker at the new job gave me those little gift bags full of goodies...mostly sweets that I don't need or especially like, but it was nice just the same. (Actually, one of the items was a large bar of designer soap, something I can use.) There was extra food in the kitchen this morning and in the afternoon we had a Secret Santa exchange.

I picked out what turned out to be a kid's toy that looks like a karaoke microphone with a built-in recorder, really the last thing that I'd want, but the woman next to me said her kids would love that kind of thing and said she'd trade me her gift, a nice glass carafe, made in Poland, with a very contemporary shape to it. I was happy to trade.

I was also surprised I even got a small bonus in my paycheck. Just $25, but you have to remember I've been there about one month now, and for at least half that time, I haven't actually worked due to my illness.

My fifth trip to the doctor was Tuesday night. Told her I'm still sick, runny nose, coughing, very tired, still the plugged up left ear. She drew blood, gave me a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia and looked into Lyme again. Everything came back normal except my "sed rate," which stands for sedimentation rate, is sort of high (35 instead of the normal range of 0-20). It indicates there's an infection somewhere in my body but that's all it tells you. The only thing she's still waiting for, and which I'll have to wait til Monday for, is the results from the Quest Lab that drew yet more blood to see if something...a culture...would go in it. If nothing does, I guess that's pretty much definitive proof that I DON'T have a bacterial infection, which my PCP had said I had very early on. It would explain why antibiotics haven't really done anything. Yet if it's viral, this has gone on very, very long. Normal duration for viral is 7 to 10 days; I've been sick a month.

So now I have yet more doctor's bill and lab bills to pay in the coming weeks, yet I'm not sure we're anywhere closer to finding out what my problem is.I sense my PCP is running out of ideas, altho she suggested that even tho I feel no pressure in my sinuses that she could do a CAT scan of them to see if that's the problem. I think I may pass on that.

Perhaps my body will somehow rally now and recover on its own. I am still taking raw garlic cloves multiple times a day and today i also picked up some elderberry extract and, for my ear, a mullein/garlic mix; you just put a few drops in your ear several times a day. We'll see how that works. At this point, I'm desperate.

I still have to wrap a few presents and tomorrow I start dethawing the turkey (a freebie from Thanksgiving, gift from employer) but aside from that I guess I'm ready for the holiday.

I applied back in late November for a contract, p/t real estate writer job and only heard from the hiring employer yesterday. He got a ton of responses and "narrowed it down" to 12 people, including myself. I had to fill out a detailed online questionnaire about why I'm best for the job. It only pays $20 an hour, but I'd grab it in a heartbeat as it's better than the $12 I'm making at my other p/t job plus it's work at home. So I actually would LOVE to get that job.

I have felt so out of it for so long. Someone at my job today mentioned I was so soft-spoken, but I didn't have a chance to tell her that I'm soft-spoken because I can't properly hear how loud my voice is with my ear plugged up, and so I guess it sounds like I'm whispering or something.

Thankfully, I've started doing a few other things at my job so there's at least a bit of variety in what I've previously described as "stupefyingly boring." It's all very detail-oriented. And she asked me to write a blog as she knows I can write, and I did that. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to as I charge 7 times more for doing so as a freelancer. However, I decided I should do it because it will raise my profile in the company and perhaps the prez or others will take notice that i have greater abilities than as a proofreader and could possibly be offered more to do or maybe get a promotion or f/t job offer someday. So, I swallowed my pride and just did it, writing about how college students can build a credit history.

UPDATE: Saturday afternoon I saw 5 large helicopters in the sky near my house. At first I thought they were news helicopters but I quickly saw they weren't normal helicopters; they were those hotdog-shaped helicopters used by the military (or Airforce One). They seemed to be traveling west directly above Rt. 25 and then veered to the north (toward Sandy Hook) at the flagpole.

We didn't learn that President Obama would be visiting my town until last night, but my friend said what I saw was a security detail meant to scope out the route in advance. However, news reports have indicated the President will arrive at Bradley International Airport in Hartford. I guess if he is then driven to My town (a good hour-long drive from the airport), then the security issues still need to be worked out.

It was an impressive sight.

I have also heard that the superintendent of schools has hinted that Sandy Hook School may never reopen. This, after I received a robo call last night from our town's first selectman saying that all schools in my town will be closed Monday and then all except Sandy Hook School will reopen on Tuesday.

If I were a parent, I would want that school razed to the ground. How could any parent feel good about sending their children back there? Although budget votes are always contentious battles here that pit seniors and frugal-minded folks against school supports, I suspect that if the subject of building a new elementary school comes up to a vote this spring, it will pass, easily.

Original Post:
The national news media has descended on our little town. As you approach Sandy Hook Center, which resembles a small hamlet, it's bumper to bumper traffic, and cars with lots of out of state plates are lined up parked on both sides of the road.

Satellite trucks are everywhere, TV crews and reporters are interviewing people on the streets, cops still have the road leading to the school blocked off to traffic, but they're allowing people to go to the firehouse (not sure about the school) on foot.

It's a very small and picturesque little Center. Historic 18th century homes line Church Hill Road as it descends down a hill toward the traffic light. There's a liquor store, Figs Restaurant, a Subway, a diner, St. John's Episcopal Church, the Demitassee coffee shop and a few other stores. There's the Pootatuck River that meanders through the Center, behind all the stores, and you can enjoy a lovely view if you sit on the back deck of the coffee shop. The sidewalks are brick, and the merchants have been working for years to revitalize the area.

People are out walking with bouquets of flowers and impromptu memorials filled with votive candles are all over town. Someone bought 20 Christmas trees, 1 for each child, and set them up. Saturday mass at St. Rose is packed right now.

A man was standing just off the interstate exit holding a sign that indicated he was from some town in NJ and that they support us. Other signs just said "Say a prayer." You can tell who the press is becus for some reason they all seem to dress in all black. It's all very sad.

I heard a few reports that the shooter was some sort of troubled genius, which makes me very angry. They shouldn't be turning him into any kind of figure that others would emulate or we'll have copy cat killers who harbor sick fantasies about becoming famous before they go out. Obviously this was a sick individual. No one in their right mind would hurt an innocent child.

I am sure that most people who live near the Center are hunkering down this weekend because you cannot venture out without getting stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. We saw a few familiar news faces out there.

Now that it is dark, I'm sure the disparity of festive Christmas lights and greenery on all the shops and homes down there is going to feel so unsettling against the backdrop of what happened.

It's hard to go about my normal routine. Although I don't personally know anyone with children in that school, I feel so distracted by the enormity of what happened, and I know that Christmas will never be the same for so many people.

Today, my hometown made national headlines, for all the wrong reasons.

A local elementary school here was the scene of the latest lone gunman gone berserk. Twenty-seven people died this morning, most of them little kids.

I worked all day at the p/t job I've been at for less than a month. I absolutely could not believe this happened here.

I was concerned about trouble getting home from work tonight, as i heard someone saying earlier in the day the police were doing car by car searches, but that was really in a different part of town and didn't affect me at all.

I am sure I will be hearing much more about this as the days go on. You probably know as much as I do at this point. A 20-year-old man is the suspect, and he shot and killed his mother, a teacher who worked at the school, as well as a bunch of other people, before he died.

As someone here was already quoted, "we thought this was the safest place in America."

UPDATES: A friend of mine told me this is going to hurt my property values, because people will forever link "Mytown" as the town where that awful massacre took place.

I don't know many people here with kids this age, although The Author has a young niece who worked as a teacher at that school. She had the day off yesterday but went in anyway and was there when everything happened. Luckily she is safe.

My friend R. is coming up this afternoon. He wants to see what is going on in town now and is stopping by to pick me up. There is national news media all over town, doing interviews at iconic landmarks around town. There was a prayer vigil at a church last night, and another one at the high school tomorrow.

Saturday update: The national news media has descended on our little town. As you approach Sandy Hook Center, which resembles a small hamlet, it's bumper to bumper traffic, and cars with lots of out of state plates are lined up parked on both sides of the road. Satellite trucks are everywhere, TV crews and reporters are interviewing people on the streets, cops still have the road leading to the school blocked off to traffic, but they're allowing people to go to the firehouse (not sure about the school) on foot. People are out walking with bouquets of flowers and impromptu memorials filled with votive candles are all over town. Someone bought 20 Christmas trees, 1 for each child, and set them up. Saturday mass at St. Rose is packed right now. A man was standing just off the interstate exit holding a sign that indicated he was from some town in NJ and that they support us. Other signs just said "Say a prayer." You can tell who the press is becus for some reason they all seem to dress in all black. It's all very sad.

I heard a few reports that the shooter was some sort of troubled genius, which makes me very angry. They shouldn't be turning him into any kind of figure that others would emulate or we'll have copy cat killers who harbor sick fantasies about becoming famous before they go out. Obviously this was a sick individual. No one in their right mind would hurt an innocent child.

Got my new Capitol One credit card in the mail today. I planned on using it to pay my property taxes. My property tax bill indicated there would be a convenience fee but I figured paying $3 or so would still be worth it, since I'd be earning $100 cash back from Capitol One.

I went to the website of "Official Payments" to do so and after entering my data, I learned there would be a $91 convenience fee to do so using my credit card. (A debit card is charged just $3; too bad I don't have a debit card.)

$91???? You've got to be kidding me!

I called my town clerk's office to complain about this. Perhaps they were unaware Official Payments charges such usurious fees. The town clerk was nonplussed. Why would anyone pay such an outrageous fee, I asked. Well, maybe some people have no other way to pay their property taxes than with a credit card, she said. I'm surprised the town of NXXXX would do business with a company like that, I said. Oh, a lot of the towns do business with them, she said.

Geez. I just can't believe government entities would condone this kind of charge. I have half a mind to complain to someone at the state level.

I'm really amazed.

While I was sick, I lost 7 pounds (!!) but I was quite sure I put it all back on when I started on the Prednisone, which is known to increase one's appetite. I distinctly remember one period where I ate pasta four meals in a row! That's how hungry I was.

So after putting off a weigh-in, I stepped on the scale this morning, and was amazed to see I'm holding steady at 140 pounds, just 5 lbs. shy of my Dating Dr. Bob weight 5 years ago.

While I was sick, I read William Davis's best-seller, Wheat Belly. And while I'd like to give a wheat-free diet a shot, I don't anticipate giving up wheat products entirely, at least not to the degree he advocates. But anyways, I haven't really purged wheat from my diet.

So what accounts for the weight loss, even despite the Prednisone?

It wasn't hard to figure out. Sugar.

Since I'd been on antibiotics for weeks, and since I've had problems with intractable yeast infections in the past, I was rather obsessively preoccupied with ensuring I wouldn't come down with another yeast infection. So I eliminated the many foods and ingredients that feed a yeast imbalance: cheese, bread and yes, SUGAR.

I drastically cut back on sugar in my diet these last 3 weeks. Although I always felt I ate a healthy diet, sugar is hidden in everything, and you won't know it unless you look for it.

I always read ingredient labels when food shopping, but truth be told, I would usually be looking at saturated fats, sodium and unhealthy preservatives. Sugar was not something I really paid attention to.

Years back I got hooked on Kozy Shack rice pudding. I figured it was a healthier alternative to cookies or ice cream. That may be true, but it's still loaded with sugar.

The kefir yogurt drink that tastes so good. LOADED with sugar! As is most commercially made yogurt, even my favorite, the "healthy" alternative, Stonyfield Farms. I can no longer justify eating their yogurt, organic or not, because of the high sugar content. 25 grams of sugar in a 6 oz. container!

Even the vanilla version of coconut/almond/soy milk is also quite high in sugar. You have to read EVERYTHING.

Of course, those coconut macaroons I recently found, are also filled with sugar. Oh, they tasted good.

About the only sugar I'm allowing myself now is that found in fresh fruit. The fruits higher in natural sugars include bananas, pineapple and mango. I happen to love those fruits, so jury's still out whether I'll ban those from the diet. In fact, I know I won't.

I also still like Trader Joe's reduced sugar jams: apricot, blueberry and raspberry all come in at a reasonable 6 grams of sugar per tablespoon.

So anyway, it had to be the sugar. It's funny, with all the diets out there, I never hear anyone talking about sugar. Sugar converts into glucose, which in turn converts into stored fat, so it makes sense to monitor sugar intake as well as be conscious of the glucose levels of different foods.

For that reason, I don't think it would be too hard to switch over from whole wheat bread (which shockingly has a glucose level nearly equal to white bread), to pumpernickel, which has a significantly lower glucose level.

I don't know how long I can sustain the radically low-sugar diet, but I'm going to try, monitoring my weight as I go. I'm not going to go crazy and try to eliminate condiments like ketchup from my diet, and I don't have the time to make my own, so there will have to be some compromises. But excess sugar brings with it a lot of problems like accelerated aging
and inflammation in the body, not to mention diabetes/obesity.

So this shall be my first resolution for 2013. Closely watch sugar intake!

A couple of hefty expenses coming due in December/January:

1. Property taxes (twice annually): $3300
2. Quarterly estimated federal taxes: $600
3. Oil for heat: Estimated $600+

I got my amazon delivery two days early, so I dug in last night and started reading Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Adventure.

It's pretty interesting, and an awful lot of time is spent describing the nature of the ice and how it heaves and pounds against the stranded ship. I was a little dismayed early on my reading to learn they had about 60 sled dogs on the ship. I say dismayed because I really try to avoid exposing myself to any descriptions of animal cruelty or hardship. I'm just a huge animal lover. And I suppose the men on the ship will end up eating the dogs to survive, or else the dogs will die. Oh well.

I also watched a Netflix movie last night, Of Gods and Men. It was about 7 French Trappist monks who care for the poor in Algeria. These are extremely pious men who spend their days praying, chopping firewood and selling their honey to the villagers. They are not young men.

The highlight of the movie for me was when one of them, as a special Christmas eve treat, plays a tape of The Nutcracker during their simple dinner. They are rapturously uplifted by the music. The camera lingers on each face lifted in joy and wonder at such beauty. It was really well done.

Then Islamic extremists kill some Croatians in the village. The monks are urged...begged... to leave by the French embassy and others. A young girl has her throat slashed becus she didn't wear a veil. The extremists even break into the monastery one night demanding medicine for wounded comrades.

Still, the monks decide not to go. They discuss it over and over again. Some say they didn't come there to become martyrs. In the end, they all agree to stay, and shortly after, they're kidnapped and held captive by Islamic extremists. Two of the 7 hid and were not found. Later, the kidnapped monks are killed. The 2 that remained lived on, one for another 10 years and the other died maybe 5 years ago. It was a true story.

I saw the ENT (ear nose & throat) specialist today about my plugged up ears.

There will be no magic bullets. The preferred course of action is to simply wait for my ears to drain. It could take two to three months.

The other alternatives include perforating the eardrum to allow the fluid to drain, but there's no guarantee the ear won't close up again in a few days. Or, they could make an incision and put a tube in there, but that is not without possible complications and requires monitoring. His preference...and mine...is to take the wait and see approach.

He had me make an appointment in two months time. That's mid-February. If my ears clear up before then, I can feel free to cancel the appointment. If they don't, then intervention will be needed.

Some people, he said, can't stand not being able to hear and want to do the procedure right away. I'd prefer a less invasive (and less costly) approach.

He didn't think the antibiotics I'm still on are doing that much, and that after 3 weeks, I've probably been on them long enough. He did think I should continue with the nasal spray my APRN gave me; luckily, she gave me two free samples, so I didn't require a new prescription.

On the way home from the doctor's, I stopped at the library and picked up 5 DVDs to watch. Not having cable TV, and only getting Netflix about 4 times a month, things have gotten very boring around here. So I'm glad I got the DVDs.

I was also able to return some overpriced groceries my mother bought me 3 weeks ago when I first got sick. $4 for a can of Amy's organic soup is just too much, and $4 for a quart of soy milk.

The Author stopped by and paid me with a $100 bill, the latest installment on her book editing. She now owes me a balance of just $275.

Ah, let's see. This must be day 23 of being sick, if you count from the first day i started feeling I was coming down with something. Ridiculous, right?

Tomorrow I see the ear, nose and throat specialist. Just getting a "timely" appointment was a feat in itself. At first they said "no openings this week" with any of the 4 doctors. Then they found me a space. It's not the doctor my APRN wanted me to see and whom I've heard many good things about, but the one I am seeing did train at the Mayo Clinic.

Last night I watched This Is It, Michael Jackson's DVD. Aside from my feeling rather sad throughout the whole thing, knowing he never got to perform at the 50 sold-out London concerts he was preparing for, I was most fascinated by one of the "extra features" on the video, which featured an interview with the designer of Michael's over-the-top outfits. They all featured those built-up shoulders and tons of Svarovski crystals. The lengths they went to, not just with his attire but with every aspect of his performances, was really interesting.

I am hopeful to achieve one goal today: to bring a growing pile of trash to the landfill. I have been putting it off, day after day.

Tomorrow, since I have the doctor's appointment, I was also hopeful of doing grocery shopping afterwards, as my stockpile of food is getting rather low.

I am SO eager to get back to my normal routine, and I've been keeping a growing list of Things to Do for when I get better. If I could knock some of those off here and there, so much the better, but I don't want to start running around and then see a return of my cold symptoms, as that happened last weekend.

I have an Amazon delivery set for this Monday and have been wishing I had it sooner so I'd have something to read. Using free Amazon gift cards I earned through my assorted forum participation, I ordered a stainless steel brownie pan and two books, one of which will interest frugalites. It's called How Much is Enough? Money and the Good Life. The other was a best-seller, I believe, on Shackleton's Incredible Voyage; it's about the Antarctica explorer who got stranded on the ice, and survived. I always like reading survival-type stories. I read both of Jon Krakauer's books, On Thin Ice and Into the Wild.

So last weekend, after I had a kind of relapse, I emailed the woman I report to at the p/t proofing job and explained my situation in great detail. I told her I didn't want to jeopardize my job there due to excessive absences, but that my first priority has to be to get better. I asked for one more week off. She acknowledged the note, but i really don't know if my job will be waiting for me when/if I return to work on my next scheduled days, Wed/Thurs/Fri of next week.

If I don't, I'm rather up the creek as to income. I already gave up the driving job, and I don't regret that decision. But the loss of the proofing job leaves me with just my highly sporadic freelance income. I had a very good November, income-wise, but December could prove to be much worse. The weeks before Christmas are typically slow for many things, including getting new freelance assignments, job interviews and the like.

All the worry is counter-productive, since it all means nothing if I'm still not better. Doing what I can to get better! Still on the antibiotics. This a.m. was the last prednisone pill. Seeing ENT doc tomorrow. I'm dosing myself heavily with acidophiles, to make sure I don't get a secondary yeast infection from all the antibiotics. Also taking calcium and Vit. D. due to the prednisone. And also consuming 3 to 5 cloves of raw garlic daily, since it's an anti-bacterial agent. Along the same lines, I'm using cinnamon whenever possible and shying away from foods that contribute to yeast, like milk, cheese, bread and sugar. And just trying not to over-exert myself or tire myself out. At least until I'm sure the underlying infection has been vanquished.

I had been positively thrilled to have lost a good 6 lbs from being sick, but then i started taking the steroids, which really increase your appetite, and I knew I was eating rather heartily. So I've been afraid to step on the scale becus my fear is i gained back all the weight. Aargh.

The only other thing I feel up to doing here and there is continuing to edit The Author's second book. I have over 100 pages to go, and it's very slow going because her writing requires a LOT of edits. I also take my time with it because she still owes me $375 on it and she's always scraping for money. She mentioned dropping another partial payment in my mailbox the other day, but half the time when she says something like that, she doesn't. I could use the extra cash right now.

One would think that after three years of underemployment, my retirement savings plan has gone deep underground, hibernating until an unknown time when my savings can "spring" forth.

Although my retirement savings goal, refined by repeatedly plugging in the numbers in retirement calculators and other detailed analysis (Vanguard, Fidelity and T. Rowe Price), had been $1,250,000 for quite some time, and despite the market meltdown that was 2007, and despite continued underemployment with no end in sight, I don't feel that all is lost.

I could not sleep tonight with my infection, so I got up and was playing around with Kiplinger's nifty calculator (http://www.kiplinger.com/tools/recoup_your_savings_calculator/index.html)

This one was designed to help investors determine how many years it would take to recoup money lost in the market meltdown of 2007. You just plug in the total investments you had just prior to the meltdown. If all you want to do is see how long it will take to reach a certain balance, based on a given interest rate and level of annual contributions, it can do that for you.

So instead of using it to see how long it would take me to recoup money lost in the market meltdown (my balances show I already did that, by about $50K), I plugged in $750,000 as my new goal and the $515K I have now. I also indicated I wanted to reach $750K in 7 years, by the time I'm 60, and I assumed a very modest 5% interest rate. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I would only need to save $2,964 a year (or $247 a month) to reach that goal.

(If I plug in 6%, 7% or 8% interest rates to reach $750K in 6.5 years, I keep getting negative numbers for the monthly savings rate required, which tells me I would have to save a really minimal amount of money yearly.) This is all along the lines of what Dido told me a while back, that I could almost reach my savings goal simply by staying the course and earning a reasonable rate of return.

I could make retirement work with $750K in savings.

Just for fun, I plugged in my target number as $1,000,000, again giving myself 6.5 years, to age 60, to save it. (I don't want to work full-time for long.) Earning just 5% on investments, it would be an uphill climb. I'd have to sock away $32,207 a year, or $2683 a month.

However, if I assume a more reasonable long-term interest rate of 8% (stocks did about 15% this year), then I'd only have to save $12,180 a year, or $1,015 a month.

IF I get a job,that is doable.

Since we are approaching year's end, I decided (for fun) to do a preliminary look at my 2012 expenses. While it's not all nailed down yet, it looks like my total expenses were in the neighborhood of $32,600. At first, that number looked much higher than I expected, since I have repeatedly crunched my "bare minimum monthly expenses" at $1800. So $1800 x 12 months = $21,600 about $11,000 less.

But then I forgot my bare minimum does not include paying the mortgage since I paid that off this past August/September. So my 2012 expenses included about $4200 in mortgage principal payments; without them, my 2012 spending would be about $28,400, although that's still a good $6800 more than what I've calculated my minimum expenses to be. I should be able to dig into why my expenses were that high once I have final December numbers. At this point, nothing else besides the mortgage payments jumps out.

At any rate, my total 2012 expenses at $32,000 were lower than in any previous year since I've owned this house. More typically,when I was working full-time, my total annual expenses ranged from about $40,000 to $43,000.

So my last day on the antibiotics was last Saturday. I am still on the steroids,meant to reduc ethe swelling in my eustachian tubes that is keeping my ears plugged up.

Yesterday (Sunday), I felt I had a little more energy, enough to finally start picking up the mess around here after 2 weeks of being sick. I even did 2 loads of laundry. My ears had improved, though the left was still more clogged. However, I noticed I sneezed 3 times during the day, and I still had the sense that the infection was still in my system, though all but one of the symptoms (my muffled hearing) had receded.

Last night everything reversed. I was up most of the night coughing. Stuffy nose, blowing nose. Today that's continued, and no more energy leaps.

I read on the long warning list for the steroids, in big bold letters, that steroid use reduces your body's ability to fight infection. Great.

I understand why she put me on the steroids, to reduce the swelling in my ears. I TOLD her that while my other symptoms had gone away, my sense was that the infection was not completely cleared up. She put me on the steroids anyway.

Now the steroids are dampening my immune system and the cold/infection is coming back. My ears are as clogged as ever and the ringing in them is back too.

Waiting for a callback from doctor.

Will I ever get better? Will I lose my p/t proofreading job due to being out so much, possibly/likely again this week, if I ever want to get rid of this thing? Will I lose my remaining few weeks of unemployment benefits due to losing the job due to being out sick too much? Will I be sick for Christmas, after missing out for thanksgiving?

Stay tuned to As the World Sinks.

In other news, I managed to make a quite delicious, ad hoc soup using what was on hand. I usually don't like to make a soup without a recipe becus it usually comes out too watery, or flat tasting or something else. But this one was a winner.

I was trying to avoid having to go out to buy groceries, so I threw together the following:

1/2 carton Swanson's organic chicken broth
About 2 cups of my own homegrown tomatoes, thawed from frozen
1/2 cup of wheat berries, cooked
1/2 cup Trader Joe's chopped organic spinach
1 can TJ's organic chickpeas, drained/rinsed
1 can TJ's organic kidney beans, drained/rinsed
1 small can tomato paste
4 leftover TJ's veggie wontons, cooked
garlic powder, parsley

It was very tasty. The wheat berries added a nice chewy texture to it all and the paste thickened it up nicely.

I've been in touch with my neighbor who lives behind me; she offered to drop off some homemade chicken soup with motzah balls tonight after work. Much appreciated, Laura.

When I get better, I have decided to spend $70 to get MagicJack Plus; it comes with free local/long distance calls for a full year, and if you don't like it, you can return for a refund within 30 days. It plugs right into your computer USB port.

Anyone use it? From what I could tell, it works with the slowest AT&T DSL of 3 mbps.

I am still not feeling great, but I have more energy, anyway. Today is the last day for the Zpack (antibiotics) and I'm continuing on the Prednisone thru Thursday. I have to remember to keep dosing myself with acidopholus to stave off the dreaded yeast infection that often comes with antibiotics.

I can hear pretty well out of my right ear, but it's the left that's still clogged pretty bad. I hope it continues to improve.

So I'm TRYING to catch up on so many things I let slide in the last 3 weeks.

Yesterday I managed to put in about 5 hours of work at the proofing job, then stopped to deposit some cash and checks at the bank. I also changed my flannel bedsheets and did my November expense and investment statement.

Year to date, I'm doing well. Even with my paltry income, after paying all bills and expenses, I've managed to save roughly $3,000, with a month left to go. And I was thrilled to get an early payment of a big freelance job I did, that came to about $1,034.

I did get a nice surprise at the proofreading job yesterday. Because of my extended illness, the holidays and their not having any work for me on one scheduled work day, this week was technically only the 2nd week I've worked there. (And I really, really hate the job, although the people are very nice.)

I saw from emails when I returned that they had given out a free turkey to each employee the week I was out. I figured I missed out, but I was surprised when I was leaving when the receptionist stopped me and brought me to the freezer, where a 12-pound turkey was with my name on it.

It actually will come in handy because I had just suggested to my mother that we recreate Thanksgiving in late January or February, and because I was sick, I hadn't been able to spend the $300 needed to get a free one at Shop Right last month. So this will make up for that nicely and save us all a few bucks.

Last night I spent quite a bit of time trying to find the most lucrative credit card reward to go after with my upcoming property tax payment. I was disconcerted to find there's nothing better out there for me than a $100 Capital One card.

Some of the better offers I've already taken advantage of. Some have an annual fee, which I won't do. Others are travel rewards cards, and I don't see any travel in my near future, and even when you read all the details on the card, they don't always say whether or not you can choose to redeem your points for gift cards. (Didn't feel like talking to a rep on the phone.)

Then I tried going after a PenFed credit union card ($150 reward). I realize you have to be eligible to join, and that's not too much of a hoop to jump through, even if you have to pony up the $15 to do so. But then they want you to open up a share account with at least $5. OK, did that. But THEN they require you to fax or email your last 2 years tax returns (!), and that I refuse to do. (Course doing so would also trigger rejection of my application since I'm not working full-time.) But even so, I don't think I would do it..it's just too personally invasive.

I mean, they can see from my credit report that I have an excellent history, paid off my mortgage and never had a late payment on anything. Oh well. There will be many more big property tax payments to come, so I can just keep looking for some new offer. There was a time $100 cash back seemed like such a big deal, and now compared to a few $250 rewards I got, it seems puny!

J., the guy I've been driving to work since July, told me he MIGHT have someone else who can drive him starting next week, after I told him I didn't want to do it anymore. He said it seems a bit "sketchy" as this guy doesn't live especially close, and even though the guy needs to drop off his kids close to where J.'s kids get dropped off in the morning, the rest of the drive taking J. to work is a royal pain, especially now that they're doing major road work on the main road. And the guy drives a non fuel-efficient truck, so even though he's out of work, I can't see how he'd think it'd be worth it for $20 a drive.

J. is going to let me know this weekend if the guy takes the job. I dearly hope he will so I don't have to continue driving J. this coming week. I'm really sick of it and it interferes with other things I want to do and certain other money-making opportunities.

Today I'm still not up for running errands, but I hope to do so, maybe as late as Monday/Tuesday since those are free days for me (aside from driving J.). Today I'll be content to do my laundry and try to clean up around here. The place is dying for a vaccum cleaning although that's a bit strenuous. I also need to make some soup as I'm dethawing some of my garden tomatoes.

On my errands list:
1. Return overpriced items my mother bought me when I was sick to 2 different grocery stores.
2. Grocery shopping
3. Bring trash to landfill, pick up mulch for my garlic (better late than never) and maybe drop off a few more chainsawed tree trunks from the storm.
4. Haircut badly needed
5. Bring trimmer and lawnmower into basement from garage.
6. Refill birdfeeder
7. Tell computer guy who charged me $100 to add more memory that my computer's still freezing up.

I've been laying low for a few months on the credit card rewards games. The last card I got was Citi Forward, a few months ago; it's paying for a year's worth of Netflix, and I occasionally charge something on it to make sure it remains active.

However, I just realized something very important! It's something I never knew before when I still was paying my mortgage all these years because the bank also handled my property tax payments for me through an escrow account.

Since having paid off the mortgage this past summer, I now, for the first time, get the property tax bill directly from the town. It no longer goes to my morgage bank. I took a look at the 2nd half of my property tax payment that is due January 1, and I see in tiny print that I can indeed pay my property tax with a credit card!

There is a convenience fee, and I haven't checked to see what that is yet, but I certainly think it would be worth it to cash in on a juicy rewards card. My upcoming payment, which represents half my annual property taxes, is $3300, more than enough to earn some nice rewards, or a good leg up to reach for some of the bigger spending requirements on some of the cards.

I don't have any airline travel in my near future, so free airline miles don't appeal. I am leaning toward the Starwood Preferred Guest Credit Card from Amex.

You get 25,000 points ($250 in gift cards) after spending $5,000 in 6 months. After charging my property taxes, I'd only have to charge $1700 more, and I'd have 6 months to do it. Since I managed (with difficulty) to charge $2,000 in 3 months with the Amex Premier Rewards card, this shouldn't be too difficult.

There is an annual fee ($65) after the first year, so I'd need to watch it like a hawk and cancel before that first year is up.

If you know of a sweeter deal, I want to hear about it!

On the health front, I started taking Prednisone today after seeing the doctor AGAIN. She believes my initial infection is gone but the ears remain clogged, and the Prednisone SHOULD bring them back to normal as quickly as a day and a half. LET'S HOPE SO. I made an appointment with an ear nose and throat specialist but cancelled it to give the Prednisone a try. It may restore my faith in my APRN.

There's a couple who live in the house behind me up on the hill that I really like. I'm very sad because after living here about 10 years, they plan to move and put their house on the market in March. They are the nicest people. They had me over for a hot meal during our extended power outage/Hurricane Sandy. They have to move becus her husband lost his job and their house, which is huge and was in the middle of renovations, is too much to keep up, especially with the inflated property taxes.

She also is out of work but recently picked up a low paying, but f/t here in town. She hopes to use the income from it to complete their home renovations and ready the house for market. Their plan is to move to Tennessee and buy a smaller home with cash. I will be very sad to see them go. Good neighbors are not always easy to find.

Well, I didn't want to be a complete downer, so I refrained from posting yesterday when I was having a little pity party.

No Thanksgiving for PatientSaver; she was too sick to do anything and so my family 'cancelled' the holiday until further notice.

It was last Friday (a week ago) when I dragged myself to my doctor's office and my APRN prescribed an antibiotic. I called her 3 days later, on Monday night, complaining that I really didn't feel much better. She said I hadn't given it enough time, to give the meds another day or two.

Well, another "day or two" was Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and by the time I thought to call her back when I STILL wasn't feeling better, their office had already closed for the long weekend.

So I basically was crossing my fingers all week and hoping and waiting for the drugs to really kick in. They never really did. Well, most of my worst symptoms (the earache, fever, chills and nighttime cough that wouldn't quit) are gone, but my ears are still completely muffled, and have been, since last Wednesday.

I spoke this morning to a friend of a friend who is a retired emergency room nurse. She suggested going to a walk-in clinic rather than simply waiting another 3 days til my doctor's office reopens. I have to agree.

I found a clinic in a nearby town and went there this morning. The waiting room was packed with very sick people, all of whom, I presume, were in the same fix I was in: their normal doctor's offices were closed for the holiday.

I saw the guy and he prescribed a different antibiotic (amoxicilin, 875 mg) and Sudafed for the muffled ears. Another 10 days worth.

It wasn't til i was walking to my car that i realized by reading the paperwork that the guy i saw wasn't even a doctor: he's a Physician's Assistant! I sure hope he knows what he's prescribing, becus at this point, I don't feel I can mess around with my health any longer.

At the least, they should tell you in advance if you're not going to see a real doctor.

I've already lost 2 full weeks of work from 2 p/t jobs, work that I won't be able to make up. I haven't calculated it becus it's too depressing, but it's probably at least $600 I've lost in income this month, not to mention another $100 in doctors' bills and meds.

T-giving was a non-event. All around pretty depressing.

I am still feeling pretty sick and only slightly improved since I started taking antibiotics Friday night. I started getting concerned about possibly having a drug-resistant bug, so I called the doc's office today and just got a call-back from her.

She said it was still too soon for me to really be feeling a positive effect from the meds and it would be a few more days. Keep hydrated and stay the course, she said.

So oh well. I'll have been sick a full week as of tomorrow. What a waste in so many ways.

The 2 most bothersome things are 1. The infection is squarely located in my middle ear and my hearing is totally clogged in both ears, to the point where I can barely hear the phone ring. And 2. When I lay down to sleep at night, I start coughing within minutes and cannot stop coughing. The only thing that helps is sitting up in bed and waiting for it to pass, but then as soon as I lay down again, it starts again. This continues all night long. The funny thing is, I've been laying in bed all day without coughing. It's only at night.

I did get 2 deliveries of groceries from dear mom in the past few days, but she got each of the "orders" partly wrong, and I will be returning a good portion of each bag of groceries. I asked for soup and she got me soup at an expensive grocery store called Caraluzzi's where the 4 cans of soup came to $16. Kind of a crazy price.

I also asked her specifically for cough medicine, but she wound up getting me a multi-symptom pill (non-drowsy formula) which is not really what I wanted. Oh well. There's a ton of product on the shelf and a lot to read, I guess.

I did also get 2 very nice emails from the guy whose book on business ethics I edited. It's possible he may be "interested" in me, or at least curious. He has, in fact, proposed we meet after the holiday. He's too old for me, I would say, although he's a few years younger than my friend Ron, who was one of my signficiant relationships when I was in my 20s. The age difference seemed to matter less then but now 12 years would be a kind of a yawning chasm. With this person, I think the age difference would be 9 years.

Anyway, he's managed to get a customized pitch out with the manuscript to 8 or so targeted textbook publishers. Now he's onto setting a closing date....this month...to move into a very old home in a very good town nearby. And he's cooking T-giving dinner for his ex and 2 of 3 kids.

My accompishments today consisted of informing the billing company responsible for my mammogram that they billed the wrong insurance company. It took 3 phone calls to get to the right place, but I will be relieved not to be responsible for a $443 radiology charge! I also paid my phone/Internet bill online. I read the Sunday paper and I got my Amazon delivery that included 2 books, so I certainly have reading material now.

I have a feeling we're going to have to postpone our Thanksgiving dinner due to my illness.

In the never-ending merry-go-round of random part-time jobs I've held in the past 3 years, I decided this morning to tell Jason next time I see him that I don't want to drive him anymore.

It will mean the loss of $510 monthly income, which is not insignificant in my budget, but I will have to somehow make up for that in other ways.

It's just gotten too tiring and the payoff is really borderline, once you subtract gas cost and wear and tear on my car. The latter is a biggie for me since I need my 13-year-old car to last me for a long, long time as replacement is out of the question at the present time.

Just to pick J. up and get him to work one time (and dropping the kids off at daycare) requires 75 minutes of driving by me, door to door. For that I earn $20. Multiply that by twice a day and you've got 2.5 hours of daily driving, albeit all local, on the same darn road. Even with a fuel-efficient Honda, I sure aren't getting rich.

Plus, now that the days are shorter, I am doing the entire afternoon drive home in the dark, always in heavy commuter traffic on a busy two-lane highway, with the headlights of SUVs and trucks in my eyes. Once I pick up the kids with him and drop them all off at home, it's back into the traffic once again to drive myself home. I'm really getting sick of this one road! Having to do all this during a snowstorm is really something I dread, especially the windy, hilly road that goes to his kids' daycare place.

He's not going to be happy about it, but I need to do this for my owny sanity. I'll give him 2 weeks to find someone else. I know so much about this guy just becus we often talk in the car, so I do wonder how he'll manage, and i feel bad for him, becus he is a super sweet guy who's really dealing with a lot of hardship right now (of his own doing, with the DUI) with everything he has to do, but bottom line is, i have to worry about me first. I did it for 4 months and now it's time for something better. I think it's the right decision.

Three pills into the antibiotics and still waiting for them to really kick in. The fever and earache's gone and I am feeling more energetic today, but my hearing is still completely muffled, I'm still hacking away with a cough and my nose is clogged. I've already wasted a week of my life on this and now I'm impatient to be better.

I am also feeling a little hungrier and for dinner I roasted my own sweet potato wedge fries in olive oil, salt and pepper. My "dessert" is a jarred container of Polar pear slices. Sort of reminescent of the fruit cocktail my grandmother would feed me as a child except that this is a much better quality fruit that is actually firm the way a pear should be. In a light syrup, but not overly sweet. They periodically go on sale at Shopt Rite for $1 each and I like them as a portable snack to go or just when I'm in the mood.

Despite feeling miserable, I am sort of thrilled to see that I lost 5 pounds from being sick and am down to 140. Just 5 pounds away from what i weighed when I dated Dr. Bob.

It's not surprising since i've had no appetite and have skipped several meals in exchange for something simple and light...a lot of apples, for instance.

I caved today and was able to get the one remainining opening with my longtime APRN, who feels like a personal friend. She's the one who's seen me through the Lyme disease, the poison ivy, my physicals and of course, an untold number of nasty viruses and colds.

I was trying to tough it out without seeing her to save the $30+, but after a full week of being sick, I'm exhausted by sickness.

My ears have been pounding since Wednesday and everything is muffled. 100.5 fever, chills, cough, bellyache, congestion.

She was very certain that what I have is a bacterial infection (and thus, responsive to antibiotics) simply by dint of the length of time I've had it, but also, she said, "becus that's what it looks like."

When i told her the worst thing was the white noise in my ears and the earache I've had, and then she confirmed my complaint by looking in my ears, she got all excited and said, that's what makes my day! When the patient's complaint is borne out by clinical exam! (Or something to that effect.) She's funny.

She couldn't believe i had waited so long before seeing her, to save on the co-pay, and she even told me a back door way to get in to see her where she wouldn't have charged me a co-pay, she said, becus i'd just been to see her about a month ago for my Lyme disease.

Anyway, I popped a pill and am so anxious to start feeling better. she also gave me 2 nasal sprays (free samples) to help with the congestion.

I have to say I sort of blew up at the guy at Walgreen's. I'd been hacking away, beads of sweat on my face and all around feeling miserable hunched over in a corner chair at Walgreen's pharmacy waiting 20 minutes for the prescription even though other customers came and went. He informed they they were out of the drug and could only fill half of it and could i come back on monday to get the rest. I angrily suggested they deliver it and he quickly agreed when he saw how upset i was. I mean, they should do that as a matter of policy if they are out of medication. I did apologize for yelling at him, but i still feel bad becus he looked so startled. I may have to buy him a box of candy or something and apologize again when i'm better. I have very little patience sometimes; it's not something I'm proud of.

The people at the proofreading job, plus the other proofreader who I "share" the job with have been trying to help me out becus I didn't work at all this week due to being sick and I would miss most of my workdays next week due to the holiday plus Friday. The other gal offered to let me work her half of Wednesday so i could at least get one full day of work in that week. She didn't have to do that.

Bummer. I'm coming down with something. Symptoms aren't really bad yet, but I'm very tired and slept poorly the last few nights.

I had to drag myself out of bed to drive J. this morning. When I got back home around 9 am, there was a message waiting for me from proofreading job saying I didn't have to come in today cus they were (temporarily) all caught up. so that was a relief. I do have to make it in Thursday and Friday though.

I ordered a box of super cheap checks from Walmart for $10, only to discover last night box #2 and 3 hidden elsewhere in my desk! I guess I won't be changing banks anytime soon cus I now have a gazillion checks.

Before I got sick, I was able to drag some more white pine branches down to the curb and I called to let them know they could pick them up. I have so many more branches, but they are in pockets all over the yard, and I don't want to do it now that I'm sick. I feel exhausted just thinking about it. The town's deadline for doing so is this Friday, so I guess that's that.

I also managed to throw about 10 or so smaller limbs in the trunk of my car and I hauled them to the dump myself. Some of the logs are just too big for me to handle by myself....20 inches in diameter!

I earned another $40 worth of Amazon gift cards for month of November, but for time being I'm just sitting on them. I was toying with the idea of getting a second, smaller slow cooker in the 3 quart range. The one I have now is 6 quart, and sometimes the slow cooker recipes call for a smaller or bigger sized slow cooker. If the slow cooker is not filled up to at least the three-quarter mark, the food really doesn't cook well. So things like desserts or breakfasts would do well in the smaler size.

I am hoping to get paid by my main client for the $1100 job I submitted a week or so ago before Christmas. She said she was just waiting to hear from J. what code to give it. They let so many invoices fall thru the cracks I have to be constantly on top of them. The money is targeted for my emergency account and is especially important since unemployment benefits will end for good 12/31/12. It's going to be a freaky time as, barring a job offer right away, I will be dipping into savings to the tune of maybe $500 a month, even with driving J. and the proofreading job unless I can consistently drum up at least that amount in monthly freelance income. I think it's doable.

My paltry Christmas spending is pretty much set. By using a combination of gift cards I've earned from credit card rewards, things I have made (hypertufa troughs) and (is this tacky?) one pre-owned item (it's for my sister, who buys used stuff on eBay all the time), my out of pocket should be about $15!

I don't have many people to buy for to begin with. This year I decided to buy a set of 4 movie tickets for J. and his 2 kids and girlfriend to use. The movie theater is right here in town and it costs just $2 per ticket. I thought it would be perfect for them since they often have kid-friendly/family type movies there (which is why I only go infrequently...wanted to see Hope Springs, but missed the matinee on Tuesday).

I had to give up my computer for a day and a half due to a desperate need for more memory. I think he said I now have 8 gig? My computer was locking up, literally every 5 or 10 minutes, and then I'd have to wait several minutes for that spinning circle to do its thing. It was driving me nuts, but I had so much freelance work I couldn't give the computer up. finally I did so Tuesday into Wednesday.

I usually hit Ikea just once or twice a year; it's about a 50-minute drive from my home, and although I like much about the store, I often forget about it when looking for certain basics.

I'm still transitioning from plastic food storage containers to glass. No excuse for not completing that changeover; while I have been using all glass food storage for handling leftovers or lunches, I was still using plastic for larger purposes, like storing flour, sugar and oatmeal.

So I decided to go there today and spent about $60 on 6 glass containers with lids as well as a very nice flatware set (4 five-piece place settings of stainless steel with wood handles for $30).

I've been using my grandmother's silver-plated flatware for years, but on a few pieces, it appears the silver plating is flaking off, and it would seem prudent to not use it if it means possibly ingesting any of that.

I took some photos of the flatware and have sent them off to a place online that will help you identify what pattern you have and possibly purchase your silver-plated or sterling silver pieces.

Though it seemed like a pretty good deal when, earlier this year, I purchased a nice glass pitcher with lid on amazon for $9, I found a comparable pitcher at Ikea for $5. Hmph.

I was also tickled to find small desk lamps ($20) that require no electricity, as they are solar-powered! Given my recent 6 days with no power after Storm Sandy, this seemed like a fantastic idea. Ultimately, I decided not to buy one as the description said it would only produce light, fully charged, for 3 hours. And then you'd have to remember to put it in a place where it received strong sunlight, if you wanted it to charge.

The other item I almost bought, but didn't, was a rustic looking large box covered in banana leaves. I admired its functionality, as it folded flat and was made very cleverly, I thought.

Did I mention I watched Forks Over Knives the other day (Netflix)? If there weren't a more compelling case made for not eating meat, I don't know of it. I decided to purchase a copy of the DVD for my friend with prostate cancer. I suspect, sadly, that he would rather prepare to die of prostate cancer than change his diet.

I do really like Ikea's kitchen and lighting sections, and their storage stuff, but am not so keen on their textiles; Scandanavian patterns on bedding or linens just don't resonate with me.

I had another $40 worth of Amazon gift cards, and i couldn't resist ordering 2 books and a DVD: Wheat Belly, a book on punctuation and the Forks Over Knives DVD, for my friend. Wheat Belly is that book written by a cardiologist about why eating wheat is making us fat. His claim is that the "whole wheat" we eat today is very different than the bread our grandparents ate, and it's really not a natural food. I'm always interested in anything diet/nutrition related, and I got interested in this particular book after the guy I've been driving to work read it and was talking about it. As for the punctuation, I am getting more interested in the nuances and subtleties of punctuation and grammar now that I'm editing my third manuscript/book for a client.

I also won a $25 BP gas card through my participation on a BP forum. Yeah!

My sister is mostly estranged from me and my mother. When it's the two of us talking, we get along fairly well, but my sister quickly becomes short-tempered, grouchy, nasty and incommunicative with my mother. (Even with me, i mostly feel I have to walk on eggshells around her.) It's been like this for many, many years, and I've pretty much given up on my sister after so much anger and resentment that she treats us, her family, so poorly. I never had the kind of sisterly relationship many sisters seem to enjoy.

In the past year or so, my mother's experienced a number of health scares having to do with irregular heartbeat, severe, full-body arthritis pain and vaginal bleeding for unknown reasons.

When many of these events happened, my mother panicked, called 911 and was transported to the emergency room, sometimes for several days of tests. A few times she called me.

She's fine right now, but all of this stuff was kind of like the writing on the wall, meaning that at some point, my mother's going to have more serious health crises that my sister and I, as her only family, are going to have to deal with.

And for a very long time I've felt pretty much on my own when trying to help my mother out. Aside from the obligatory family dinners at major holidays and birthdays, my sister has nothing to do with us, even though she lives nearby.

Some of my mother's health issues have been extremely stressful for me to handle. When my mother was in extreme pain from the arthritis, there wasn't much I could do except urge her to see her doctors, etc.

And I've been getting increasingly resentful toward my sister that she does nothing to help out. Since my mother's third divorce many years ago, I've often felt my mother's trying to make me her "husband," coming to me to for help and reciting all the hassles or stressors of everyday life. She will relay every aspect of her experiences in excruciating detail (he said this, then I said that, then he said this....).

So basically, her stress becomes my stress. I'm not sure that's really fair, but for as much as I am a strong and independent woman, my mother is just the opposite. She acts very helpless and very needy, which drives me insane.

So last summer I wrote my sister a letter, basically asking her to step up to the plate and help me take care of our aging parents. My dad certainly has his share of health problems, but he never complains or asks for help, and he is 3 hours away anyway. (My 2 brothers are closer to him.)

I told me sister that while I knew that mom could be extremely difficult to deal with, it's still our obligation and responsibility as her daughters to help her in her advanced age,and that i needed to know she was willing to do that with me. A lot of it for me, I admit, is psychological. I'm not sure there was ever a lot I had to do for my mother physically, except drive her to or from the hospital, but I really could have used some emotional support from my sister.

I never got a reply to the letter. Which fueled my anger toward her.

Then my sister called me tonight to announce she was treating me and my mother to Thanksgiving dinner at a local inn. My mother always cooks, but it's a lot of work and may be just easier to eat out, though none of us is rolling in money. I told my sister I'd pitch in to pay for the meal; she said it didn't matter.

Then I asked if we could talk about the letter. And we did. I'm not sure we resolved anything, but I feel much better becus we were able to have a civil and candid conversation, about my mother. She said she has tried to be more patient with her, but acknowledged not much success. I told her I understood how she feels about my mother, becus i feel the same way, although not as extremely as my sister, and I do feel a strong sense of responsibility for my mom. I said, well, if you can't talk to mom, if would really be helpful if I could know that I could talk to her (my sister) about issues with my mother if her health issues recur. She had no problem with that.

She said she had a problem with my mother calling 911 multiple times for "frivolous" health issues when maybe she could have waited til morning and made an appointment with her doctor. I told her I didn't think they were frivolous, and that it really wasn't for either one of us to judge the validity or seriousness of my mother's health complaints anyway. We obviously weren't in her shoes.

The big difference between me and my sister, when it comes to my mother, I think, is that my sister seems to have no compassion or empathy for my mother at all. She's very hostile to her.

My mother's also gotten hard of hearing of late and practically everything you say to her has to be repeated. This is also annoying when you are together for any period of time. My mother doesn't want to wear a hearing aid, or be seen wearing one, so she hasn't had her hearing checked out, even though I think the hearing problem is also contributing to worsening relationships with her daughters.

My sister did have one good idea, to try to get my mother to move from her condo to one that's ranch style, becus the arthritis could really be a problem with her double flight of stairs to her current living space/townhouse.

At first, I didn't like the idea becus I know my mother has a lot of friends where she lives now and at her age i wouldn't want to see her go to a brand new place and not know anyone. But then I wondered out loud with my sister on the phone whether there might be ranch style units at the complex where my mother is now.

After we hung up, i went online, and indeed there are ranch style units there. They are slightly smaller, by about 130 square feet, but I think it could really make life easier for her down the road. Yeah, it's not easy for a 79-year-old woman to move, but to wait until there's another health issue and then it's really a crisis, would make it worse.

So I guess we were able to put some stuff on the table. Thinking about it more, I would really like to get my sister's email. Years ago she said she had stopped using the computer, but i really knew it was just that she was tired of getting constant emails from my mother and didn't want to give out her new one to us. Maybe if I promise not to share it with anyone.

This week has been a bit much. I'm now juggling 3 p/t jobs.

Here's what my work schedule will be moving forward:

Mondays: Pick up J. at 7:45 am, drop his kids at dayschool and drive him to work. Get home @ 9 am.

Do any freelance work during the day.

Pick up J. and his kids at 5 pm, bring them home. Get home around 6 pm.

Tuesday: Repeat Monday schedule.

Wednesday: Drive J. to work in a.m. only.

Go to my proofreading job at 12:30 pm thru 5 pm

Thursday: Go to my proofreading job 8:30 am to 4:15 pm, then leave to pick up J. at work and bring him to rehab place. Get home @ 5:30 pm.

Friday: go to proofreading job 8:30 am to 5 pm.

It's a lot of driving and running around. I'm really pretty tired of it especially as it requires me to get up and out of the house very early, and then i've got to head out again at day's end. But I don't want to give it up unless I find something better, and so far, that hasn't happened.

Today was day 3 at the proofreading job. It's still boring and tedious. Oh well. On the freelance side, I had to edit two court reports and write a press release.

We had a few inches of snow today, enough that I pulled my snow thrower out.

I'm really looking forward to doing nothing remotely resembling "work" this weekend. I watched Forks over Knives last night. I want to buy a copy for my friend R., who's preparing to die of prostate cancer sometime within the next 2 to 10 years. He's always had a terrible diet; i don't recall him ever eating anything except a hamburger, pizza or plain chicken.

He took pity on me on what I think was my last night without power and treated me to a steak dinner, plus he bought me a set of 3 LED flashlights with a battery pack. Very thoughtful. He wants to declutter and is leaving most of his money to his younger niece, who is now facing a divorce with 2 small kids.