. Just sitting here pondering life during the middle of a growing windstorm. Hoping I don't lose power but it doesn't take much here to do that; trees and power lines don't mix. Gusts of 55 to 60.
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Dad is doing a bit better though still in the hospital. Better in the sense that he is more talkative and alert than he was a few days ago. He enjoyed the green chai tea I brought him. I want to make a lentil soup and bring some of that but I seem to be missing the dried lentils and this storm is getting worse. I sure wouldn't want to lose power in the middle of cooking; if it's not too late, I'll run out tonight after the storm eases to get those lentils.
Did anyone catch the Saturday Night Live special last night? It had all the classic holiday skits from years ago. I still get a laugh out of them. I guess there's another SNL special tomorrow night.
All of the loans I reviewed this week for Kiva were from borrowers in the Phillippines. I was notified of one small default (less than $2) which I consider as part of how the Kiva system works. Defaults are very uncommon and of inconsequential amounts.
I took a quick look at my stats since we are wrapping up 2025. Since joining Kiva as a volunteer in 2019, I see this statement: "You've reviewed 3,911 loans enabling $2,108,535 in lending activity."
I was pondering an interesting post here by Tabs, who wondered why some people savers, and others spendthrifts.
I was thinking more about the abrupt transition from "lifelong working gal with a career" to "retiree with hobbies." It can be a little rough to consider what all those years of hard work meant. I mean, I'm left with a a file cabinet full of writing samples from every job I ever had. I did a lot of work I was extremely proud of, and even got a few awards, but in the end, it just went to help this company or that market the product they were selling, and I daresay all that hard work has already been forgotten by the few who may have appreciated what went into creating it. So to add to my answer to Tabs, my self-worth was internally driven, and that's what remains today. I thought I was working to earn praise (and maybe a higher bonus) from my manager, or my manager's manager, but really, I am self-motivated, and do the hard work to please myself.
What kind of delights me is discovering that I am still using my decades of work experience and skillsets as a writer/journalist/researcher in my volunteer work, and that it is appreciated by others I work with. It's nice to work those muscles even if I'm not earning money for it.
This winter could be very quiet though, since my 2 main volunteer activities naturally become a little less active due to the nature of our work. I am still on the lookout to take something new on; I've found that I like working with very small organizations because they will more likely offer more interesting volunteer opportunities to someone like me and will also appreciate what I can do more as well.
The wind is really picking up and the rain is coming down in sheets. So far, I still have power.
December 19th, 2025 at 05:32 pm 1766165525
SNL, I typically only catch bits and pieces whenever it crosses my YouTube feed. I’ll have to go check it out though, as I didn’t realize that they do anything other than, well, Saturdays.
As for self-identity, I am finding myself transitioning in peculiar sort of way. I was a work guy before, and at one point, I was even one of the best at it, to the point where others would seek me out just to teach them…. But I am not that guy anymore. These days, I am just a guy who willingly chose to become unemployed (retired) early. While it’s something I’ve always wanted out of my life, it perplexes those around me. “Why stop working and not make a paycheck? That makes no sense. Why stop doing something you were actually good at?” In a way, they’re not wrong. My life these days are filled with uneventful silence, and while I personally cherish that peaceful and tranquil, in their eyes, there is no sense of… glory or purpose in this existence of mine.
I don’t know what to make of it all yet. It’s just a strange experience I am trying to process right now. For now, I am simply Tabs right now. Tabs the guy who checked out early haha.
December 19th, 2025 at 09:07 pm 1766178476
December 22nd, 2025 at 01:56 pm 1766411805
I think you are correct about being internally motivated and as a result are far happier than those who seek the glamour and praise of others. There's a lot to be said about doing things because it pleases you and you know you've done a wonderful job.
I was just wondering about your Kiva; I'm glad you gave an update.