So we're in the middle of the long and very drawn-out probate process. There's a 5-month window of time where you basically just sit back and see if anyone makes a claim for money owed.

I thought I had everything pretty much covered, with just one thing up in the air, a recurring bill of about $76 a month for a rented wheelchair that Masonicare can't find. Annoying, but I believe I don't owe any money for that since it's Masonicare's fault they can't locate the chair. They have told me several times, "Don't worry about it, we'll take care of it."

But then last week I got a letter from state of CT informing the probate judge (and copying me) they, Dept of Administrative Services, may have a claim against the estate. I couldn't tell by looking at the letter whether it was a form letter and possibly nothing was owed or if it concerned something specific.

The only thing I could think of was the SNAP program which my mother qualified for due to her very low income, but I had called the state shortly after moving her into assisted living last May to cancel those benefits.

So imagine my surprise when I talked to the person who sent me the letter when they told me I (meaning, the estate) owe the state of CT $6,991.

Apparently there is a program that involves "Medicare Part B buy-in premiums." The program allows seniors who may be cash-strapped to get a bigger monthly Social Security check by letting the state of CT pick up her monthly premium for Medicare Part B, which would otherwise be deducted from her Social Security checks. When the person dies, if they have no savings left, that's that, but if there is an estate, then the state will look to recoup all that money they paid for Medicare Part B premiums.

The monthly premium was $58 a month when my mother elected to do this in 2003, but it rose over time and she kept doing it until 2010!

I never heard of this program, and I don't know how my mother knew of it either. I am sure that when the program was explained to her that what she heard was, you can get bigger Social Security checks this way but I am sure she didn't realize the money would have to be paid back later.

From the state of CT website:
Q. Do I have to pay back any of the benefits that I receive from MSP?

A. We will not recover money for this program for any benefits that you receive after
January 1, 2010. However, if you received any benefits under MSP before January 1, 2010, the State can recover money equal to the amount of benefits you received.

Well, we can certainly pay it and of course we will, but it was a little startling to learn of such a large bill.

Oh well. Live and learn. At least we'll get back about $1,100 from her tax returns.

Oh, and coincidentally, the guy I spoke to on the phone said "we don't go after SNAP program benefits." Meaning if they were spent after they were loaded onto the debit card after program eligibility had ended, they wouldn't insist on reimbursement.

I'm woefully behind on decluttering, going by the "2016 in 2016" challenge, where you're supposed to find 2,016 things to declutter this year.

That's 168 items decluttered in a month, and given that I started this challenge about 2 months into the year, I haven't really caught up yet.

I downloaded a simple grid from nourishingminimalism.com; each time you declutter something, either by selling it, donating it or (least desirable) trashing it, you put an "X" through one of the boxes in the grid. It's extremely simple.

The only danger with using the "X's" is that you may accidentally mark a box for the same item more than once, or forget to do so entirely, and without labels/notes, you have no way of knowing, for instance, if you gave yourself credit for bringing that old winter coat to GoodWill.

I was surprised to see it snowing this morning when I woke up. First I decided I would work from home, then i said no, guiltily, and decided I would drive in. Then i said no, it's getting worse.

I'm glad I stayed home. It wound up snowing, sleeting and raining on and off all day long and while there's probably less than an inch on the ground, it crunches when you walk on it.

I posted 2 items on Facebook tonight, one being a self-healing cutting mat which i no longer need since i now have my mother's, which is much larger. Someone is supposed to come tomorrow afternoon; price $10, about half what it sells for new. I also inherited a paper trimmer from my mother when I already had one, so decided to sell the better looking one and someone seemed interested but seems to have abandoned the conversation as we were trying to coordinate pick-up I hate when they do that. Don't know if she lost interest, found it too complicated to arrange or went to do something else. I priced mine at $20; couldn't believe Staples sells them new at $55 and up.

It has been hard to motivate myself to try to dispose of mom's items here, aside from the great success I had with yarn sales and weaving accessories, overall, but I did also manage to make a decision on a small opaque projector. After changing the lightbulb, I determined it didn't work, and I have no need for it so I feel less guilty throwing it away. Not even sure what it did, but I think she used it project an image from a photograph onto a wall so she could paint it maybe. My mother tended to hold onto everything, so I'm not surprised to find stuff that doesn't "work."

I called the number provided by the court to see if I have to report to jury duty tomorrow. I DON'T, hooray! I believe I'm good for another 3 years. The last time I was called was during my long period of unemployment, just after I had snagged a lucrative contract job that I was going to start in a few days, so I begged off and the judge said okay.

So I will work at home again tomorrow. Love it. You may think I must be so relaxed and "at peace" when I work at home, but I'm really not. I'm always concerned about missing an email and so I don't stray far from the computer. Yet I still try to get personal things done if I'm not currently working on something else, but I'm always sort of rushing around.

I'm afraid my daffodils and other bulbs are kaput for this year. I know they won't die, but the blooms won't come back, I'm quite sure. They're all weighed down by the snow and even encased in ice. Oh well #1.

After Snafu commented on my earlier post that yes, $3 for a 10" clay pot made in Italy was a great price, I decided she was right and made the 20-minute ride to WalMart to see if I could snag some more. Sadly, all but one was gone, and that one was cracked, so couldn't take it. Oh well #2.

I tried calling the guy who mowed my lawn last year to see about this year, but never got a callback. Also tried to confirm receipt of my email from local library about donating some art, but never heard back.

I made a yummy salad yesterday for lunch today which consisted of a rice blend, sauteed onion and garlic, dried cranberries, carrot curls and steamed asparagus and peas. With just a dash of Trader Joe's Goddess Dressing. It was mighty tasty. I'll have to write that one down. I like the combo of sweet and savory stuff.

There are lots of things that make me think about my mother, but today after paying a bill and addressing an envelope, I used a stamp from a roll that had been in my mother's desk.

I find myself thinking, did she know when she bought this she would not live to use up that roll of stamps? That the stamps would outlast her? I looked at the roll in my hand, and saw that it said "Forever" on the stamps. There seem to be hidden messages in everything I see.

I made a triple batch of granola this morning. I eat it daily and go through it fast.

Later today, I will walk down my road, to an adjacent side street where my car was parked overnight. I will bring it up the driveway for the first time since paving and pavers.

Today it's hard to believe it's April. We got about 2 inches of SNOW and most of my daffodils were in full bloom! I put the potted daffs in the garage and put large pots over another type of bulb not yet in bloom, along with a few special hyacinths. I don't know if it will just be too cold for them to survive, because I see temps will still be dipping as low as 16 on Tuesday and into the 20s on some other nights. Ridiculous!

Yesterday started off with an hour of yoga which made me break a sweat. I checked out a craft show after that, since it was also in our old town hall, but didn't buy anything.

Then I went to the annual cacti and succulent show at nearby community college. I go most years and it's not that crowded but this year, oh my..it was packed and hard to get to a table to even see the plants. I splurged a bit and spent $32 to buy 4 interesting succulents. When I came home, I added to what the seller told me by researching each variety. They are from south Africa, Madagascar and Brazil and seem so "exotic" to me.

This one caught my eye first: Kalanchoe orgyalis “Copper Spoons”


You've probably seen this one before, Haworthia Limifolia “Zebra”


And here is the finger-like Rhipsalis cactus (Mistletoe cactus).


This shrub-like one is called Hatiora salicornoides “Drunkard’s Dream”


Later in the day I stopped at Walmart for some large terra cotta pots (new emphasis on container gardening this season) and lucked out by finding some chocolate-colored terra cotta pots from Italy on clearance for just $3 each. I got two, but am thinking I'd like to get more. I think they're about 10" diameter, which is fairly large.

While still at Wal-Mart I saw they were selling bags of elephant ear bulbs, 10 for $15. I was really tempted to get some as the one year I did, they were fun to grow with their huge tropical leaves, but these were a sold green variety and I remember seeing much more interesting leaf color variations elsewhere. Next weekend I'm going to a talk on orchids at local garden nursery, so maybe I can find something there.

But what I did wind up buying was this Alocasia ‘Polly’ with its fantastic foliage.


I would have a much more extensive collection of houseplants, succulents in particular, but Luther is fond of chomping/chewing them so for both is sake and the plant's, I have to devise ways to keep them out of his reach. I have a variety of raised plant stands, though not all of them are tall enough to be fool-proof. I treat every houseplant with the assumption it is poisonous.

I am experimenting with different brands of cat litter and am on a quest for an unscented, dust-free version due to Waldo's allergies/asthma. I found some Arm & Hammer 100% dust-free which I like, though it's a little pricey, but it is scented and I don't know if that will aggravate Waldo's breathing issues. For years I've purchased cheap 40 lb boxes of cat litter at BJs or Costco for about $8 a box, but it is crazy dusty and I don't much relish breathing in this super fine dust every time I clean the boxes, either. I also will try Fresh Step crystals and see how that works. I tried Feline Pine but the "nuggets" are so big I find it hard to clean the box as the scoop picks up and holds all the nuggets.

Last night I finished my editing job, which was worth about $95. Right now I'm doing 3 loads of laundry. I tidied up the bathroom and bedroom, which tend to collect clothes. Since childhood, I got in the habit of just laying clothes down after undressing and not either tossing them in the laundry or hanging them back up, depending on what it was. As a result, my bedroom starts looking like a wreck.

I am feeling kind of lazy about doing other things today but would like to cook something good for tonight and tomorrow's lunch.

Oh my gosh, and I hardly ever win the lottery. I went to Stop & SHop and on a whim I asked to buy the Mega Million scratch-off. Would you believe I won??? I mean, what are the odds? I am going on Monday first thing to collect the prize, up in Hartford and have my photo taken. I am going to buy a Prius and get a new kitchen, too. I'm so excited, aren't you? I'm not sure what else I will do...OH, i do want to travel. Destination: Southern Utah national parks!







Hehehe. April Fool's Day!

Sorry to disappoint, just having a little fun with you.

However, on the good news front, I did gt a check for $141 today from a shop near me, for the sale of 2 of my mother's small "cosmic" series of spiral-like oil paintings. The check represents 60% of the sale price; the gallery owner gets the other 40%.

I'm so happy they sold, although they were priced at about half the value my mother listed them at. There's a difference between my mother's prices, which were art gallery prices, and my prices, which were gift shop/gallery prices.

I've been looking everywhere for the list of the art I gave this gallery (she has a copy too) with the prices, and I can't find it anywhere. But as I recall, she still has at least 3 of these cosmic pieces left, so hopefully they'll sell soon. See, I KNEW this particular style would be popular at a store that sells things like geological rocks, incense and stuff for people who meditate, because these cosmic paintings are something you can stare at for a long time.

It's possible the list of items she has is sitting in my car. I had to park it down a side street off my street, which is just a bit too busy for me to feel comfortable parking my car on overnight, especially with the sharp curve right near my house. I can't drive on my new driveway til Sun/Mon, so when I got home from work tonight, I drove to the little side street I mentioned, which gets a lot less traffic. I still feel a little "insecure" not having my car in my own driveway, but I decided I didn't want to bother my neighbors asking for a favor, so this is what I'm doing.

An old freelance client I haven't worked for in the past few years contacted me last week to do an editing job of another family court document she will be filing with the court. It's about 20 pp of writing, all very confidential. I'm happy to get an opportunity for some extra income although I think I may have thrown out my notes on other writing jobs I did for her and what I charged, so I'm going to have to recreate that so my price for this is in line with what I've charged her in the past. I hope to finish the job this weekend.

Tomorrow I'm going to a cacti & succulent show and no doubt will come with some. There is quite a pile of other things i want to get done tomorrow, but all my gardening plans are out the window since the temps will really plummet on Sunday.

Here it is, showing both the paved lower end that was done today and the upper paver section.





I'm very happy with everything. I had asked the asphalt guy last night, very last minute, if he could widen a somewhat narrow section of the lower end of driveway, where the slope is, by about 4 inches. It's hard for me to notice if he did that but i should be able to tell when i drive up it (not til Monday).

He charged me $300 for widening it just in that section. (He had said $200 to $300 on the phone.) I didn't bother to argue to point.

When he was wrapping up, he asked me if I wanted an asphalt curb along the left slope side, to kind of keep the pachysandra in. I said sure, sounds great, but then he said that would be another $300. I'm sure he was trying to make some more $$ with the leftover asphalt. Once I realized there was a price attached, I said no; I've already spent plenty of this driveway. Then he said he'd do it for $200 but I kind of feel it would be a waste of $200. So he left with his leftover asphalt.

I hope they did a good job; it's hard for me to tell if they did or not. They did the whole thing in just 3 hours time. He said he has 2 more jobs to do today.

I'm just thrilled to have this lovely driveway all done at the start of the season so I can enjoy it all summer long. I will have to park elsewhere through the weekend.

I was reading up on new driveway care online and learned that it can take up to a year for new asphalt to cure, so during that time, I need to prevent any large, heavy trucks (oil delivery or landscapers, eg) from driving on it, and when i turn my car around on it, I have to make sure not to turn the tires when the car is NOT moving, or I'll create gouges in it. Actually, I only have room to turn around at top of drive, which has the pavers, but probably still good advice.

As for heating oil delivery trucks, they usually park on the road and carry the long hose up to the back of my garage, where the fill-up port is, but on occasion they have backed up the driveway. For that reason, I'll make a point to have oil delivered on one of my work-at-home days, becus while I could give them instructions over the phone not to drive up, who knows if that would actually happen or not. By being home, I can run out and prevent them from driving up.

I'm to wait at least 6 mths before doing a sealer, and best time to seal is in fall anyway, so probably around September I'll call around for prices. You can spray water on the surface and if it beads up on the asphalt, it's not cured yet and you need to wait longer before sealing.

Here's what it looks like, top half finished in pavers:


Note the lovely 9-foot diameter circle.


This shows the area to left of garage.


This photo shows the gray border that encircles the whole area. (The portion of the stone wall is one of the original old stone walls I couldn't afford to rebuilt right now. As long as it stands, I don't plan to do anything to it although it's not very attractive with the large concrete joints.)

This really motivates me to get around to repainting the concrete lower half of garage a nice taupe color to match house instead of the icky old green.

It's really all very lovely, and my mason really surprised me after I paid him the balance in cash. He fished out a $50 bill and returned it to me, his way of saying thanks for the reference I made for him to a coworker looking to redo a walkway, and for the good Angie's List review I said I would post. I've never had a contractor do that before!

I've been in touch with the asphalt guy who MAY be able to come tomorrow(!) to pave the lower half of drive. I can't drive on the pavers on top half until he puts down asphalt that's completely level with the edge of the pavers, or that paver edge will begin to pull away from the weight of the car tires.

He said I could drive on the pavers after that, but as far as heavier trucks it wouldn't be a bad idea to let it set for another few weeks. I had a charity lined up to pick up an old couch I can't wait to get rid of (the one that was refused by another charity) so I reluctantly emailed them and said i'll need to reschedule. I didn't want to do anything that would cause them to get annoyed and not come at all since otherwise getting rid of that couch will be a real pain. But it should be okay; i haven't heard back from her yet.

Although none of us in my family are very religious, I am finding that facing the upcoming holiday without my mom is kind of tough. With our fragmented family (early divorce) I also never felt we had very strong family traditions like some families do, but now that mom's gone I foresee many lonely future holidays if I don't make an effort to find something to do.

Turns out dad is having Easter dinner at my sister's, where I imagine sister's significant other will also be. It makes me feel like an outsider because I have not been invited. Would I have gone if I was? No, definitely not without having a long overdue talk.

Neither one of us has called the other. It does make me angry she can't even bring herself to call me, but I imagine, after finally seeing my mother during the last week of her life with advanced Alzheimer's last December, she must surely understand how angry I must be that she just walked away from us. But still, ZERO communication. Not one effort to try to clear the air, or heck, just to see where we stand. That one could so easily throw away a relationship with a sister astounds me. (Although it wasn't much of a relationship to begin with.)

I don't think my dad says much to her about things I tell him. He seems to prefer to stay out of it and he isn't taking sides.

But anyway, I called dad tonight to see if he might have an interest in the small pile of driveway pavers that the masons set aside; I think they were cut incorrectly or otherwise imperfect. I thought dad might be able to use them since he had plans to build some raised beds at my sister's.

The masons also left 8 empty wood pallets which the pavers were delivered in. I'm pretty sure they're untreated wood, since they're considered disposable and not meant to be reused. So you could use them with veggie beds, altho i guess they would also rot quickly as a result.

He suggested Easter breakfast at the diner, which we'll do. And he'll come over on Tuesday, my next work at home day, to see the completed driveway and pick up the imperfect pavers and pallets (after I doublecheck with my mason to make sure that's ok).

I picked up a nice pot of jumbo grape hyacinths for R.'s niece, whose dinner I'll be going to. I also settled on a side dish to make, one that's super easy and attractive to look at, my corn/blackbean/tomato salad. I can throw it together in the morning. but oh no. I think i should have picked up edamame for it and now i realize i don't have it. Darn.

My downstairs TV with Roku is suddenly not working due to "failed connection" error. The Roku upstairs works fine. It's so incredibly annoying when a company sells a product they KNOW has some bugs in it and sells it anyway!

Today while the masons were working their magic, I ran my errands. I got the low air pressure indicator as soon as I left the house, something which has happened several times. I had purchased a cheap AARP air compressor which i don't like using becus it sometimes gets stuck on the tire valve and i can't get it off. So I decided that despite the nearly mandatory 2-hour wait at Town Fair Tire on a Saturday I HAD to bring the car in there since i have a 50-minute drive tomorrow for Easter dinner.

While they checked out the car, I walked over to Boston Market for an early (11 a.m.) lunch. This place always has a bittersweet feel for me becus I often stopped here after stuffing my car with my mother's stuff, exhausted, as I was trying to empty out her condo, and I also picked up lunch here a few times to bring it to my mom's when she was still living up the road. So it always conjures up these memories.

After lunch, I walked to Walmart to kill some time and happily, they were through with my car earlier than expected. They found a nail in the tire (!) so guess I'm real glad I didn't just keep driving on the tire.

After that I went to Lowe's where i bought the Easter plant, and then BJs. Also filled up the gas tank, went to the transfer station with my trash, and yoga

Here it is, the first day of laying pavers and they've done so much already:



I knew it would look good, but it's even better than I imagined...

Just want to wish you all a Happy Easter, if you're celebrating.

I feel fortunate to have somewhere to go. Well, ok, I actually invited myself to my friend R.'s Easter dinner as I know his family pretty well (tho don't see them often) and this would be his sister, niece and her 2 young kids. They lost both their parents.

I assumed my sister would be cooking for dad, though when i called him today to inquire he didn't know. I would prefer to do something with him, have him over for dinner, for example, but he said no, go ahead and go with your friend. I don't think the holiday is a big deal to him. I just didn't want to spend another holiday alone with no cooking to do or anything.

So now I have to come up with a side dish and I'll pick up some Easter lilies tomorrow for the niece. She knows me from 30 years ago when I was dating R.

The driveway redo has begun. They lay down a layer of this fine gray grit and perfectly leveled it with long pieces of lumber they dragged across its surface. Today the delivery of about 8 pallets of pavers arrived and is sitting in my driveway. They didn't do any work today becus it was raining but tomorrow they will start to lay pavers...the exciting part!

On tomorrow's agenda:

1. Pay 1/2 the cost to mason before I leave on my errands.
2. Dump run: I loaded the car up this a.m. with trash but the transfer station was CLOSED due to it being Good Friday so I had to drive to work with smelly trash in my trunk!!
3. Yoga
4. Gas
5. Lowes - pick up Easter lilies with my gift card
6. BJs: i have a bunch of coupons to use
7.When i come home, figure out an Easter side dish to make
8. Yardwork!!
9. Make granola
10. Fill bird feeders

I'm meeting R. early Sunday afternoon at an area hotel and then following him to niece's house in my car so I can leave whenever I like and it saves him a lot of extra driving to pick me up and drop me off.

I was happy to leave work around 1:15 pm today. Not that I did anything terribly productive when I got home.

OK, so for the last few days I've been very worried about my dad. He told me his doctor found blood in his urine and in his words, "they're looking for cancer." He was going through a bunch of tests.

The prospect of losing my dad so soon after my mom was extremely upsetting, not to mention that a close friend/ex-boyfriend, R., and another friend, K., also have serious health issues and may not be around in a year or two. Plus my older cat waldo is getting on in years.

ANYWAY....i finally worked up the nerve to call him. I knew he was having more tests done Monday and that Tuesday he was meeting with the doctor to review the results.

When he casually dropped this news, I tried not to show how worried I was. It's so characteristic of my dad to downplay it and make it seem like no big deal. Last night I was crying about it. Just pure, unadulterated fear. I woke up in the middle of the night from some very bad dreams. I don't remember the dream but there was a grown man screaming, and it made me wake up.

So I talked to dad today. He said he has no cancer. He has gallstones. I told him how relieved I was and I could hear the relief in his voice too.

I need to call him back tonight (he was driving back up from Jersey when I called) to get more details. It appears if you aren't having any symptoms (pain in the abdomen) they don't do anything for treatment. It didn't sound like he was having any pain but I will have to quiz him on that.

I forgot to ask him if he would be having Easter dinner at my sister's, which I assume she'll be doing. I haven't spoken to her since the funeral. I have made tentative plans to spend Easter with my friend R. and his sister, niece and her 2 kids.

R. is giving me leeway to back out of dinner with his family, who I've met many times over the years, if it turns out dad doesn't have plans.

I can't tell you how relieved I feel. (Guess I've said that already but, wow.) So, so relieved. I can't think of much worse than of losing many of your loved ones. I just got thru the loss of my mother and I'm not ready to let go of dad yet.

I think we need to go out and celebrate.

Now that the weather is very gradually improving, I decided that on my work-at-home day (today) I would walk down to the end of my street (a good 10-minute walk with 2 hills) to visit the brand-new Dere Street Bakery.

I would get my exercise and some delicious baked good at the same time!

As with the adjacent restaurant, they took a dilapidated historic building and renovated it inside and out. It's lovely to look at with its rustic exposed beams and granite step. It's a tiny little shop, probably no more than 300 square feet. I chose a great little salad made up of red sprouted quinoa with soaked raisins and carrot ribbons on a bed of greens with a great lemon vinaigrette. This is one I will try to replicate myself. Really good, and so simple to make.

I also got a crusty loaf of whole grain bread which is quite good dipped in the vinaigrette. Finally, I got a blackberry mini pie. Yum. Does anyone know how to make a fresh loaf of bread like this not stale? They always seem to go stale on me quickly. Airtight baggie?

It was fun to walk there and it reminded me of the days when I used to walk to work when I worked on Main Street about 8 years ago. I'm also delighted beyond belief to have a bakery in town that actually makes breads, not just the usual sugary frosted cakes and cookies.

I will be a weekly customer!!

Work will begin on my driveway this Thursday. Can't wait.

Last night i went to see the movie Brooklyn, which was pretty good. I could have also walked to the theater but chose not to since it would be dark when I got out. I had an old punch card in my wallet and was able to see the movie free with the punch card. It was nice to see the movie so soon after reading the book. A lot of details from the book were left out but it was still enjoyable.

So as you can see, I am beginning to realize that various fun things that can be easily incorporated into my routine now that I'm working from home twice a week. Normally i would be too tired to catch a weekday night movie, but when i've worked at home all day, it's not a biggie (provided it's at our local movie theater, in our old town hall here in town).

I guess, too, that when I was caring for my mother, I gradually let go of various social things I might otherwise do becus i simply didn't have the time or if i did, i again was too tired and way too distracted to do them or actually enjoy doing them. Now I am "rediscovering" I can do different things, and it's a nice feeling.

So for a long time I planned to retire at age 60 but transition into retirement by working part-time for at least a few years.

The more I study this particular plan, the more I realize I'd be better off just trying to put in 1 additional year of f/t work at the bank.

Mainly because, when I think about it, there don't seem to be many part-time jobs that would pay more than $15/hr. So based on working a 20 hour work week making $15/hr, I would make more money working full-time for one more year at the bank than I would working part-time for seven years!

Also, I was under the mistaken impression that I could get health insurance at the bank as a part-timer. I learned at some point that no, you have to work at least 30 hours, which is pretty much the same as most other employers.

So the smarter choices would be, after working the expected 3.5 more years til I turn 60:
1. Work 1 more year full time with full benefits.

Or if i absolutely felt i needed a break, I could ask for:

2. Work 1 more year at 30 hours with full benefits.

This would come with a commensurate 25% decrease in salary, I assume, at about $61,500 based on current income. Assuming they even went for it. Assuming they don't lay me off before this time!

There's a new restaurant in town. If you look down at the far end, my street starts in between the end of the building and the white steepled church you see. Yes, I could walk here. This is a real foodies restaurant Can't wait. They even have a standalone bakery behind the restaurant, where a small florist used to be. This is a very old building and they did a beautiful job renovating it.

Oh, my carrot ends are sprouting leaves!


The leaves are edible and would be good in a soup or salad. Use the stub ends of organic carrots you would normally throw away and just let them soak in about an inch of water. It will take about 2 weeks before they begin to sprout leaves. I refresh the water frequently. Just a fun experiment to keep my spring-searching soul occupied.

After yoga this morning, I filled up the gas tank, returned something at BJs, picked up another matted piece of my mother's I had framed (see below) and then used a $50 gift card at Whole Foods.


This is Galaxy.

Came home, read the paper and went out to dinner with dad. It's fun trying out new restaurants with him. He's partial to diners but about half the time we enjoy a great meal.

Earlier this week, after a day working at home, I unplugged the laptop and put it at the top of the stairs, as I always do, so I could bring it down to my briefcase next time I went down the stairs. This is usually the next morning.

The next morning, in my half awake stupor, I accidentally KICKED the laptop,enough to send it tumbling down the stairs. It must have hit the stairs 5 times, and it hit so hard that it left 3 noticeable dings in the last stair at the bottom and my beautiful fir floors! No, they are more than dings..they are gouges, too deep to sand in fact.

Oh no! Laptop fried.

I brought it into work and lo and behold, it worked just fine. Amazing. So amazing, I had to tell our IT guy the story. He casually mentioned someone who merely dropped their laptop from a height of about one foot and it ruined it.

Wow, was I lucky! I'm upset about my floor and stair, though.

I got a bill last week from Liberty Rehab, an outfit that rents medical equipment like the wheelchair my mother used during her stay at the 2nd assisted living place.

The bill was for about $76 for a wheelchair and leg rests for a period of time AFTER my mother died in December.

I got them on the phone and they informed me that Masonicare never returned the wheelchair, hence the bill.

The woman on the phone was very customer-unfriendly, and she seemed unwilling to pick up the phone herself to call Masonicare. I've had to do that myself several times becus, as the Liberty Rehab woman informed me repeatedly, "You are responsible for the bill." Okay, fine, but can you help me out here? She knew Masonicare has the chair. What am I supposed to do, go over to Masonicare and start searching for the chair? She told me to have Masonicare call her and she could give them the chair's serial number to help them locate it more easily.

When I spoke to Masonicare, she said they wouldn't have needed to rent the chair because they have their own, and she wanted proof of the rental in the form of the name of the Masonicare person who placed the order. I called Liberty back, they gave me a name even I recognized, and then I called Masonicare back with that info.

Apparently when Liberty came to collect both the wheelchair and a bed last fall, the wheelchair was not there to be picked up, and someone, or several someones, at Masonicare dropped the ball and never bothered to find it.

I've informed them I don't plan to pay for this bill -- a recurring monthly rental bill until they return the chair -- because this was 100% their responsibility to return the rented items. Heck, I didn't even know the chair was rented.

I guess I'll have to keep on top of them to make sure they (hopefully) find the chair becus legally I probably am responsible for the chair, even though mom did not use the chair during the time period they're charging me for and I'm not in possession.

Masonicare contact did indicate they would help me out with the bill, although I'm not sure what that means. They should pay the entire bill, not a portion of it. I think anyone would assume that an assisted living facility has procedures for such commonplace things as returning rented items in a timely manner. If they don't, they can't make me pick up the tab. Can they?

http://www.offgridquest.com/recycle/free-swing-set-becomes-the-new-rabbit-tr

Great way to recycle an old swing set into a rabbit home.

For as long as I've been blogging here (since 2008), I've talked a lot about early retirement. I reckon I was plotting my early retirement when I was 6 years old.

While I've been fortunate to have many writing jobs that I found interesting and stimulating, many things lose their luster after you've been doing it for 34 years. Especially when you cannot follow the beat of your own drummer but must do things according to the very specific instruction of the company issuing your paychecks.

It's not so much the writing I'm talking about as I am the general hierarchical structure of the workplace, inflexible work hours, the personality conflicts, the efforts one must make to be a "team player," get along or get out.

A sidenote on onerous policies: Last year my employer announced a new policy requiring employees to give 30 days notice if they decide to leave the job. Mind you, if you are terminated, you're out that day, but they now want 4 weeks notice, not 2. Hey, if I found a new job, I doubt most prospective new employers would be crazy about waiting 4 weeks for me to show up.

In any case, I called my state's Dept. of Labor today to find out if this policy is enforceable, as they say in writing you are "required...."

As I suspected, it is NOT enforceable, but as far as whether they could get away with withholding severance, for example, if I failed to give the required 4 weeks notice, the DOL spokesperson said they'd have to look into that after I filed a complaint. Perhaps worth testing just to push back against infringement on employee rights, something I feel very strongly about.

Getting back to my topic.....After my mother passed this past December, I've been struck by a growing certainty that there are more important things to do than helping the bank sell more student loans or money market accounts. Along with that feeling is the sense that my time here on earth is fleeting.

I am wanting to make changes. (They tell us in bereavement support group not to make any major life changes within 6 months of your loved one's passing.)

Now while I failed to meet the 1st year of my Retirement Countdown savings goals through my own efforts (see profile, bottom left), I was able to exceed my 1st year goal in the end after receiving about half of an unexpected inheritance from my mother. The other half is still in probate.

Mom was always most concerned with my happiness in the job, not the paycheck, so it almost feels like this was my mother's final, departing gift to me, the chance for true freedom. (Even when she had progressively worsening dementia, I remember her words to me at the nursing home: "But are you happy?")

If you read my profile at left, you see I've mapped out a path toward early retirement (at age 60) in just 3.5 more years.

However, I often conveniently overlook one obstacle that has always been something of an unknown, otherwise known as healthcare expenses.

Specifically, my MS drug. I think when I started taking it in 2000, its retail cost was about $1200 a month. Bad enough, right? Now the drug company, Teva Neuroscience, has jacked up its prices to make up for everything it spent on R&D, and it recently lost its right to exclusively market it. There's a generic equivalent on the market now, but only for the daily injections. I moved to the 3 times a week injections about a year ago and I REALLY would not want to return to daily injections. Can you blame me?

When it comes to healthcare, there are so many unknowns. If, worst case scenario, there is no Obamacare in 3.5 years when I want to retire, who knows how I will purchase health insurance for 5 years until I'm eligible for Medicare? It could be a very expensive, if impossible, proposition for someone who needs a very expensive medication.

Assuming Obamacare still exists, in some form, I have found the Obamacare plans are still more expensive than what I'm paying now with a private plan offered by my employer. It will probably always be like that.

It occurred to me that perhaps the new generic version of the drug might offer more affordable options for me when I'm ready to retire. I called them this morning to find out if they have plans to develop the 3x a week formulation, and she didn't know. I asked about a price comparison, and she didn't know that either, as it varies depending on the plan.

So while my returns to date from my 401k are something like -4%, due to lousy stock market performance, I am at least now on track to meet my goal of over $1 million by age 60. Whether $1 million is actually enough to live on for 30 years or so, I don't know. I don't want to have to scrimp and go without as a senior, because I've often had to do that as a much younger person! I am hoping that with the addition of Social Security benefits (another big unknown, right?) that will see me through.

Like many new retirees, I think my expenses will be higher in the first 10 years if I indulge a strong desire to travel, while I still can. I could see expenses moderating a lot as I got into my 70s, but they could ramp up again in my 80s, if not sooner, due to healthcare costs should I develop medical issues.

If I, someone closing in on their $1 million in savings goal, am having doubts and worries about their financial future, what must so many others feel who have considerably less in savings? I hate to turn this into a political statement, but all this uncertainty about how I will pay for future healthcare costs with a chronic health condition puts me decisively in the Hillary/Bernie camp. I would vote for either one although I lean more strongly toward Bernie, as he is less establishment.

This is an annual thing. I got $2,960 as the company match; part of that is fully vested while a smaller portion doesn't vest til I've been with the company 3 years, not counting my 1st 8 months as a contractor. So I think I have 1 more year to go for full vesting.

Nicely, it bumped my 401k savings to over $42,000 which I've accumulated, in just 1.5 years. Being a Roth 401k, I will have tax-free withdrawals.

When I start withdrawing from IRAs in retirement, I plan to draw first from traditional IRA money and then "topping off" with extra money from the tax-free Roth to avoid bumping myself into the next higher tax bracket with too much taxable income.

For example, based on this year's tax brackets, I'd like to stay wholly in the 15% tax bracket, which maxes out at $37,450. Knowing that my total annual expenses usually come out at around the $40,000 level, I'll withdrawal $37,450 from traditional IRAs and then withdraw another $2,550 from Roth IRA accounts. So having savings in both traditional and Roth IRA/401ks gives me the flexibility to minimize my income taxes without "minimizing" my lifestyle.

I hope Dido is right when she says the time left at this job (I need to stay another 3.5 years) will go by quickly.

If you look at the top of my sidebar at left, you see 3 resolutions for 2016. They remain unchanged from 2015.

In 2015, I accomplished exactly ZERO of my #2 goal. I want to broaden my social horizons and pursue my personal interests more than in the past.

I'm happy to say that already in 2016, I've done much better. I've done 3 Saturday morning yoga classes, 2 bereavement support group meetings, walked once with an all-woman hiking group and attended 3 other library programs on songbirds, rabbits and Charlotte Bronte. I was hoping to go to an historical society meeting tonight, but didn't. It's so much easier to go to events when they happen on a day I'm already working from home, so I'm well rested and can leisurely plan my dinner, feed the cats, etc before heading out the door.

My mason is ready to start work on my driveway but the forecast calls for a lot of rain right through March 23, and it sounds like he wants to wait til they can do it in 4 straight days. I'll have to be patient.

I am close to wrapping up season 1 of The Good Wife; i enjoy being able to watch as many episodes as I want at a time.

I continue to make progress on my yarn sales, which I've been doing now for about 8 months! It's almost become like a little hobby which I do whenever I have free time. I'm down now to the unlabeled "mystery" yarn cones, but I've had to really make them dirt cheap to get people to buy since most people prefer to know what they're buying and they also prefer natural fibers like wool and cotton to the synthetics like rayon or poly.

But anyway, the important thing is to get SOMETHING for them. I think I have just 75 cones left and maybe 5o skeins of assorted yarns. Psychologically, I just feel I need to sell most of these before really getting serious about selling the art.

Although I did drop off some more small works at the gift shop Sunday. She liked the 2 mini tapestries I sent her jpgs of but since i was making the trip, i brought another 10 items I thought would do well in her shop, and out of those, she kept about 7.

I had a very nice dinner with my dad on Saturday night. The tab came to um, $96, as we both had wine and my dad had a $29 tuna. Dad always pays, although I often offer to help. He has a nice pension from his many years as a teacher and from all accounts if pretty comfortable, so I must admit he has treated me to many a nice meal.

He came back Sunday morning to take a load of bricks that were just taking up space in my garage. NOt sure he has any plans for them, but I've noticed he's a bit of a hoarder and will rarely turn down anything! So unlike me. He was asking me about magnifying glasses, do they come in different strengths. I see Staples has a pretty good selection of illuminated desk magnifying lamps which sound great, altho i have to find out how he wants to use it.

As I headed out to yoga class at 8:40 am, I saw my neighbor had arrived with his chainsaw. I called out to him but he didn't hear me over the sound of it rumbling in his hand as he walked down to the giant felled white pine.

So I raced onward to yoga and returned an hour later to find him still there. I got to talking with him and realized I was late for bereavement support group, so I raced again to the church where it takes place about a half hour south.

I walked in just as they were saying the Lord's Prayer, which is how they start each session. I get something out of the group (misery loves company?) but it's such an emotionally exhausting 2 hours (tissue boxes are strategically placed everywhere) and I just wanted to go lie down when I got back home, which i did for about 10 minutes, but then I heard the revving of the chainsaw and knew my neighbor had returned as he promised.

I felt obliged to help him, which I did, and I had him cut off some cracked limbs of the huge burning bush which had taken the brunt of the crashing white pine trunk.

I paid him quite a bit for his time, $160 for about 3.25 hours' work but he's done me many favors in the past 15 years and they could use the money. This time he thanked me for the money and didn't give me a hard time.

In between all this I kept missing phone calls from my mother's neighbors, who we (dad and me) were supposed to go out to dinner with. He had told me last weekend he'd call me this afternoon when his wife got back from doggy daycare.

He remembered it differently, and said he meant for us to go out to lunch, not dinner, and that when they didn't hear from me, they went out themselves.

I left him 2 messages but he never seems to answer the phone, and I missed his calls as well.

It's just as well, I'm so over extended today. So I called dad to tell him we weren't going, and we agreed the 2 of us would go out for dinner somewhere anyway, so he's coming over here at 5.

Before the last call to mom's neighbor, i ran out to local gallery to pick up a piece of art I had framed, and becus they knew mom well, we got into an extended conversation. During our talk, I felt something itchy on my stomach and I started thinking TICKS. I pulled something off my stomach and looked at it between my fingers and yes it was a live, squirming tick, which I put outside.

When I got home I called my neighbor and advised him to do a tick check, put his clothes in the dryer and take a shower. I doubt he'll take my advice.

At some point this weekend my mason will stop by to inspect the driveway, now with all the asphalt pulled up, to see what they have to work with and to give me a start date. The sooner the better because I'm walking and driving in dirt, basically, and tracking it everywhere.

Here's what it looks like now:


On tomorrow's agenda is a drive up to a different gallery one half hour north to drop off a few more small works since she actually sold a few. I want to vacuum my car and I'm meeting a woman i met on facebook to sell her some swiffer dry cloths which were my mother's but i don't use.

And I hope to do some further tree cleanup as there are still many smaller branches on the lawn which I can rake. This time I'll spray my booths with tick spray and be extra vigilant.

Unexpectedly, the driveway paver's crew has arrived. They weren't supposed to be here til tomorrow at the earliest, but I got a call from the lost crew searching on the street for my house. The house numbers are all out of order so I had to guide him here as I watched out the window.

I moved my car and they already started digging up at the bottom of the drive where it meets the road, with a small backhoe. Looks like 2 huge dump trucks parked on the road for all the debris.

It's kind of a bad spot as I live at a very sharp curve in the road, so if people were speeding around the curve, they won't see til last minute that they need to go into 1 lane with all the trucks parked there. I hope they finish before a passing cop notices.

I'm just a little nervous about their pulling up asphalt near the garage and stone walls without damaging either.

This is just phase one of having my driveway redone with part asphalt, part pavers. The crew look like they're from Louisiana or someplace. Hopefully the guy I dealt with will show up soon.

I am totally distracted now. I'll be glad when the Macedonian masons are here to do top 2/3 of the driveway. Where they will repave, the slope, there's less chance of anything getting damaged besides the lawn.

Today was another trip up to Boston for a certain office meeting; for the life of me I don't know why this couldn't have been done over the phone (most of it didn't concern me or my work anyway) but i guess they figured since we agreed I'd be up there on a quarterly basis that I may as well go up.

I planned to be up there by 10 a.m. I THOUGHT I set my alarm clock for 6 a.m., when I was actually awake, but it didn't go off and in my half-awake state I looked at the clock and said to myself, you still have 20 minutes til you have to get up. Thinking I was getting up at my usual time, 6:30 a.m.

I had the hardest time falling asleep last night and felt like I was mostly awake all night. This nearly always happens when I have a big trip like this.

Anyway, I got a late start and hit traffic first in Waterbury, then in the Hartford area, and of course as I approached the Boston area.

I brought in some chocolates for everyone in my team (6 people) and some friends I made when I reported to a different area. I left some cute chocolate tulips and a book on Alzheimers caregivers for one of my other friends there whose mother has the disease. I was given this book by the Alzheimers Assn and I figure I don't need it anymore so instead of donating to the library book drive, I gave it to her, though she was out sick today and will find it tomorrow if she comes in.

I actually had 4 meetings today stretching from 11 a.m. through 2:30 pm. I had just about a half hour before the last meeting so I ran over to Whole Foods for lunch, and by the time I got thru the line, i had barely enough time to wolf down the food in my car, just to have some privacy. This was the only time I got to spend in the beautiful 70 degree weather.

I have to say I feel very much out of my element when I go up there, and mainly due to the minimal face time, I don't feel I've "bonded" with them. I don't feel I know them very well. Of the 6, it's the contractor who has seemed the friendliest to me.

I was able to leave around 3:30 pm. I guess my new boss took pity on me after I described the odyssey which is this car ride and how exhausting it is. It occurred to me on the ride up that I should really update my will as I want it to be, in case I get in an accident on one of these trips.My normal commute and the rest of my routine seems pretty tame, but this 3-hour trip up there always involves crazy drivers on your bumpers, people who weave in and out of lanes unexpectedly and all the other stuff you'd expect when there's more traffic than the roads can handle.

It was much nicer being able to drive in the daylight, but then sun glare was an issue and there were cops pulling over motorists all along the way.

But I am so wiped, as I knew I would be.

I think all the time about quitting or walking away from this job, but it would be rather foolish since the pay is pretty good, I get to work work 2 days home each week and I only have a few more years to go. But I am so not into this job, and these feelings really started after my mother died, which was about the same time when they told me I'd be working with a new team and a new boss and doing about 30% more work than I had been.

Tomorrow is a work at home day although I do have a 10 a.m. gyno appointment and after this year, she is retiring. It will be a big yuck factor finding a new (preferably female) gynecologist after so many years with this one.

I managed to sell a few more yarns and I have 6 yarn cones to pack up tonight, but I'm so pooped I may just leave this for tomorrow and ship it next day.

This means I can make 6 more "Xs" in my 2016 declutter grid. It's a simple chart but I find it works, in that I am using it. The 2016 grid has 2016 little boxes, organized by month. Each time you declutter...either by trashing, recycling, gifting or selling...you mark an X in one of the boxes. That's it! I started doing this in February, I think, so I am behind on my Xs but when I sell 6 yarn cones as just mentioned, I can play catch up with the grid.

It's a helpful reminder that yes, I HAVE been decluttering over time, albeit slowly.

Today has been rather busy since I slouched a bit yesterday. Since I'm going to Boston this week, I wanted to fill up the gas tank, so I did that. Then I went to Kohl's to use my 30% off and $5 off coupons and while I often have trouble finding clothes I like there (I do much better at Macy's) I finally landed on a navy blue knit top which I could see myself wearing at the office.

From there I went to Stop & Shop, then home.

Although I haven't yet heard from my driveway paver, the mason told me he had talked to him and that the paver guy plans to rip up my driveway on Wednesday. Which means that my plan to dispose of the hefty pile of mulch that over-wintered in the driveway in a leisurely fashion won't work. I counted 8 times that I shoveled the wheelbarrow full and trudged around to different perennial beds to dump and spread the mulch. Tiring.

Then I realized I had about 100 bricks stacked in the driveway and that they need to be moved somewhere. I had hoped to sell them last year and while i had some nibbles, there they still sat. So i used the wheelbarrow again to cart the bricks to the garage where I neatly stacked them against the wall. Probably another 12 trips back and forth with a heavy load. My arms and back are tired.

I also swept up some leaves that had collected in the corners of the driveway, a silly thing to do when it's all going to be ripped up with a backhoe anyway, but i'm the kind of person who would "clean" before having a housekeeper come over.

I also hosed and sponged off all the salt off my car (again). I have a load of laundry going.

The only thing left to do with the driveway before paver guy comes is to try to dig up a large bed of lavender phlox that over the years has spread onto the edge of the driveway, looking lovely. It's going to really be warming up this week so I'll try to do it Monday or maybe Tuesday since I'll be home and could try to do it on my lunch break.

I'm 3/4 of the way through the book Brooklyn. It's okay, although I don't feel it's as fantastic as all the reviews said. It's a fairly simple story line and I suspect I might enjoy the movie more.

I hope I'm happy with the paver driveway. I liked the look of the cobblestone-like stones much better (more irregular and realistic looking) but of course they cost quite a bit more than manufactured pavers. Still, I think the pavers will be much better than the ugly asphalt. They'll do the large circle in front of the garage and a border all around.

It was a pretty good, unhurried Saturday.

Showed up at yoga class at 9 a.m. Fortunately, I wasn't nearly as sore as I was after my first session a week ago. Not really sure I'm doing all the poses correctly since there are probably too many people (about 15) for them to walk around and correct us.

My stone mason's wife landed in the hospital, and he with her, so my dad and I drove to the stone yard by ourselves so I could pick out driveway paver colors.

After that, I was going to take my dad to lunch at an interesting sounding Hungarian neighborhood restaurant that got good reviews, but when we found it, it looked so dumpy from the outside that we decided to skip it and we went elsewhere.

I'm a little worried about my dad. He told me they found blood in his urine and did an unpleasant procedure with a tube up the urethra looking for cancer. I'm assuming they ruled out less serious conditions like kidney stones, a UTI or certain meds like aspirin, but I don't know. So now i have something new to worry about.

After looking at stone at the mason's for a while (my dad was also looking for thin pavers to build some veggie raised beds at my sister's), and then lunch, we said goodbye and I mostly spent the rest of the afternoon reading the book Brooklyn, so I'll have it done in time to participate in the book club.

My mason called me back later and said the asphalt guy said he wanted to start work on pulling up my driveway this Wednesday. Then I can drive and park on it for a few days or a week to help compact it; at some point after that, the masons will go in and lay the pavers and after that, asphalt guy will repave the slope/lower end.

I was a little surprised they want to start the work so soon and I am a little concerned about the asphalt being able to cure/dry properly. Although it will be in the 40s in the next few weeks (even 50s this coming week), it will still be dropping below freezing at night. So I'll have to ask him about that.

I saw a critter in my yard yesterday around 7:30 a.m. At first I thought it was an immature coyote, but later I wondered if it was a fox.

Thing is, I have seen coyotes, red foxes and gray foxes in my yard before, and they are mostly a solid color.

This animal was mottled gray and white with a small amount of brown in its muzzle. It had a long snout and thin legs.

It trotted through the backyard and then paused for a moment in the brushy shelter of my yard perimeter as it gazed upon the large expanse of my neighbor's lawn. It decided to backtrack and this time went around the other side of my house toward the front yard and paused again to scratch under a large white pine. Then it continued down toward the brushy undergrowth near the road, where I lost sight of it.

Today would have been my mother's 82nd birthday. I took my lunch break, bought some flowers and went to the cemetery with them. It made me sad to do this (and I will do it again on Mother's Day, to be sure) but I had a thought that most likely no one else will visit her grave. So I do feel duty-bound to do so.

I approached another gallery where my mother had shown a lot of work, to see if they' be interested in exhibiting her work again, but they turned me down, mainly becus they are no longer doing shows as they're somewhat costly, they have little room and they don't find most people come into a frame shop looking for art.

It's okay...I have 3 shows with the Richter Center this year (the non-juried show, the in memoriam show and the solo show), and I got the go-ahead from another gallery to bring a few more small items after some others sold.

I have another business trip scheduled next week for Massachusetts. There and back in a day. Hate it, but it's only once a quarter, and this time I don't have a full day of meetings scheduled (only 3) so I won't have to leave here til 7 a.m. and I can head home hopefully by 3-4 pm.

Probate progress: Once I filed the inventory of assets, the probate court automatically placed legal notices in my local hometown paper. I only knew they had done that becus I got a bill from the paper, which I paid.

Now, today, I got a bill from a 2nd paper, although this time they didn't provide a tear sheet. I had to call them becus if you're gonna send a bill to someone for an ad they didn't place, you should really send a tear sheet as proof. Now I'm wondering just how many papers the court placed legal notices in. I hope that's the last one.

Anyway, the date of the legal notice in the paper starts the clock ticking on a 5-month period during which time I wait for any further creditors to send me final bills. I'm fairly sure I still need to pay 3 creditors for medical bills, including the local hospital, as well as the accountant who is now in process of preparing the CT estate tax return, along with regular IRS and CT tax returns.

After the 5 month period is up in July, I can then file the next document with the court listing all those creditors I paid. I believe they will then compare the earlier inventory of assets I filed, showing mom's total assets, subtract the total I paid creditors, and make sure that's what I claim I have left to distribute to heirs.

Now it requires an extra step to delete the long horizontal ads at bottom. This is how they're monetizing the site.

Last night we had a terrible (and totally unexpected to me)storm. It was driving rain and high winds, even a thunderstorm. It was the storm that brought all the tornadoes to the south.

Even though they said CT would be marginally affected, I have some storm damage now. I THOUGHT i heard something crash down last night, but in the pitch black I couldn't see anything. The power flickered several times, but stayed on, and I saw nothing on the lawn.

This was the view from my front door a few years ago (sunrise):



It was a large white pine that stood with others along the roadside. One of its two main trunks had been taken down in a prior storm when my neighbor's tree across the street crashed into it. Last night, the one remaining trunk came down and it managed to avoid hitting the power lines, which are directly under these trees, and it also fell in such a way that it only hit my huge burning bush.

Here's the view now:



Kind of like looking at someone who's lost a front tooth.


I know this doesn't look like much, but it's a pretty big tree trunk, probably 18" plus in diameter.



I could see by walking around the huge burning bush that it took some damage by limbs broken under the weight of the white pine.

My neighbors behind me are just getting by, financially. He was laid off from a very high paying job a few years ago and is now driving a school bus.

He doesn't sound thrilled with it. He said the kids are always screaming and carrying on, once there was a fight on the bus and there are so many narrow back roads in town that you can get lost, or get stuck on a narrow cul de sac with no room to turn around.

So I called to see if he'd want to cut the tree up for me and I'd pay him $50/hr. I would think there's a good 4 hours of work there. I just wanted to try to help them; they've been so helpful to me over the years. He said yes, probably next week.

A woman from a local arts group in my mother's town called me back after I'd asked last week if I could exhibit some of my mother's work in their upcoming non-juried spring show with the theme of "flowers."

They had already told me yes, but i was just trying to get more details, like when the drop-off date is. I also knew I'd need to become a member ($30).

I was so taken by surprise when the woman who called back said that while they don't allow the work of a deceased person to be entered in a juried show (they have 1 juried show this spring, and 1 in the fall), she invited me to do a solo show of my mother's work this fall. A solo show is kind of special.

Not only that, but the board decided that the big juried show this fall would be dedicated to my mother's memory, and while I couldn't have my mother's work actually entered in that show, she said I could select 1 to 3 pieces to hang in the front lobby, with her bio, and it would also go in their program.

My mother was very well known at this group. I was so blown away, and touched. Of course I started getting choked up. I so wish she was here to enjoy this and I can only hope that somehow, she can.

I think this is one of those groups that might not get a lot of people from the general public coming in to see their shows. I don't really know, but am just guessing that. Especially with a non-juried show, you can safely assume the caliber of the work will be somewhat less than a juried show. So i rather doubt i will sell my mother's work in either of the 2 shows they've invited me to enter, but I'm still going to do it anyway, becus mom would be so happy to do it if she were alive. And I don't want her, or her work, to be forgotten, as I've said before.

I remember how much work the 31-piece show at the spa was last October, so in the solo show this fall, I won't have that many. I may also have to enlist someone with a vehicle to transport larger pieces that won't fit in my Honda.

Anyway, I'm very excited and it's something to look forward to. It's really lifted my spirits. As a writer, I will offer to do the PR for the shows.

I really do feel like I'm walking in my mother's footprints, going where she's gone before, meeting so many people, mostly for the first time, who knew her and were a part of her life. It's a strange sensation because by meeting these people, I learn a little more about my mother that I never knew before.

There was a definite hint of spring in the air today. I believe we had a high of 50 degrees, so although I was feeling a little lazy after a busy morning, I made myself take an hour-long walk on the town walking trails, and evidently so many others were feeling I did. The dog walkers were out, the moms with their strollers and the families on wheels. I met an amazing white bulldog.

I started off my day at my mother's bank. Yesterday I finally received written confirmation from the probate court that I am indeed approved as executor. It took about 50 days just for this first step.

So I brought all the paperwork to the bank, in need of 2 things:

a) to have them close out my mother's 2 checking accounts and open 1 "estate" account. I will still be able to write a few remaining checks for medical bills on this account. The nice woman at the bank printed out 8 checks for me so I didn't have to spend another $30 or so on hundreds of checks I would never use. Actually, we left about $10 in 1 of the 2 accounts so the sole check that hasn't yet cleared (I wrote it today without thinking, a $5 fee to the probate court) will clear without bouncing. Once it clears, then I'll close out that account too.

b) To fill out the next form for probate, an inventory of assets, I needed to get from the bank the exact balance in both those checking accounts on the date of death. Now I can complete and return this form on Monday.

After the bank, I stopped at the health pet food store, a local family-owned shop that actually has slightly cheaper prices on all the premium cat/dog food brands than the larger national franchises. Not sure how they accomplish that, but I'm happy to give my business to a local family.

After that I went to the Rug Works store to pick up the small oriental (Pakistani) rug I'd brought in for repair about a week ago. I was happy with the results. It's very clean now (!) and the new fringe is full and fluffy....makes it look like a new rug.

After that, let's see..oh, I wanted to get rid of another gift card taking up real estate in my wallet, earned a few months ago from one of my points rewards cards, so my mission was to spend about $66 at Home Goods.

It actually was hard to find things to buy. I feel like I have everything I need/want. However, I made a yeoman's effort and came away happily with some pretty blue ceramic pottery, some Easter-themed with a little bunny, from Portugal and, because I really was searching for something I could use, some gourmet-type food, including some yummy pesto sauce from Italy, honey from Germany and some hemp seeds. Everything was so reasonably priced, although they have way too much stuff Made in China.

After that it was lunch time so I treated myself to a 3 veggie side sampler at Boston Market. After that I think I went home to relax for about an hour and feed the cats, and then I headed out again to the local library to hear a professor from Yale lecture on the Bronte sisters. This was the 1st of 3 lectures, one on each sister, and this was one I wanted to catch because Jane Eyre was one of those seminal novels I read when I was very young and it stuck with me for many years. I was amazed to hear him interpret the whole novel, based in the context of Victorian culture, and all the symbolism which supposedly contains references to feminism, the "hysterical" which was what they called women who didn't really fit in, the classic Victorian plot (tough times followed by a happy ending), etc. It was pretty interesting and there was a full house, maybe about 50 people, attending.

The next talk will be on Wuthering Heights, which I never read. Is it worth it?

While at the library I checked out 3 books but I have to read them fast; one of them was from the "new book" section and so i technically only have 2 weeks to read a pretty thick book. Another book is a book club selection so if I want to attend the discussion, I've got about 3 weeks for that one.

The 1st book is called Black Earth: The Holocaust as History and Warning. I have often thought that too many people seem to forget the Holocaust, and the lessons we should learn from it, and in this book the author talks about how the early 21st century is coming to resemble the early 20th century, when Hitler rose to power. Growing preoccupations with food and water, ideological challenges to global order. This is the new book.

The book club book is called Brooklyn and I assume it's going to be good because it's a book club selection.

The 3rd book is one that I picked up while attending the Bronte lecture; it's called Becoming Jane Eyre and it's about the 3 sisters, all writers, and is historical fiction.

Looking forward to an equally productive Sunday. I hope to wash my car and trim a large viburnum tree that's growing too close to my driveway. As well as make a big pot of vegan chili.

This day made me feel like I am reclaiming my life (time) a little. I guess I hadn't realized how much my mother's illness had consumed my time. The last 6 months especially were a real blur, I mean, it was like driving in a car with the windows down, without my glasses at 70 mph. Scary, really scary.

But even before that, my free time revolved around checking in on her every weekend and making sure there were no unpaid bills, and trying to do some fun things with her too. Now I am so glad that I did on occasion do those fun things with her, and I wish I'd done more.

But today I felt an inkling of "freedom," freedom to do whatever I want. It feels exciting. There's nothing like the death of someone close to you to give new (real) meaning to the oft-heard expression, Time is short. It has stirred some thoughts in me about what I want to do with the rest of my life, and a sense of urgency to start doing those things NOW, even though, of course, I've heard "time is short" dozens of times. But I never took it to heart the way I do now.

I'm certainly not over grieving, I can tell you that. And there again, I had no idea pre-December 28 that the grieving process could take many months or years. You really don't get it til it happens to you. And when I was browsing in Home Goods, I started feeling sad looking at all these pretty little Easter dishes because I won't have my mom this Easter and my mom was the one I sometimes bought these things for, and now I can't do that. By the time I had grabbed my lunch at Boston Market, I had begun to cry again, and so I sat there in m y car with the tears running down my cheeks and my mashed potatoes getting cold because I was too upset to eat. Ugh.

Mom's birthday is coming up in early March. That's going to be a very tough day. I guess I'll continue to teeter between the possibilities within my new-found time and a continued sense of profound loss.

This is one of those posts where i really don't have much to talk about but want to anyway...

Working at home today; was able to pack up and ship two Facebook orders for my mother's yarns this morning, netting me about $25 and that much less "stuff" in my dining room.

Had a briefish phone call with someone at work who needed to make some edits to a case study I'd written. As usual, when there's someone not accustomed to working with a writer with revisions, they make it sound worse than it actually was. He made some changes, but nothing radical. However I did need to spend more time on it since he's not a writer (but he has the product knowledge/experience I lack as a relative newcomer to the bank).

I have another similar scenario coming up tomorrow where 5 of us need to meet to discuss one person's "concerns" about something else

My latest reading material was delivered by Amazon today. "Proteinaholic, How Our Obsession with Meat is Killing Us."

Amazon once again made good on their customer service ranking, #1 in my mind. On Tuesday I had ordered a yoga mat at Amazon; I wanted it by Saturday so I could use it at a yoga class that has begun at the town hall. Becus I'm a Prime member, I was counting on them to deliver it in 2 days time, by Thursday, but as soon as I ordered it the note said I wouldn't get it til Monday. This was annoying, since if I knew they wouldn't be able to meet their 2-day promise, I would have just gone and purchased a mat from someplace local, like Sports Authority.

So I called Amazon and calmly explained the situation. At first she said all she could do is issue a refund or a replacement. The latter wouldn't do anything for me since I haven't received the yoga mat yet and it's not an issue of it being defective. After I then reiterated my position, she offered me a refund without canceling the order, so this I happily accepted. The 2-day shipping is 1 of 2 big reasons (the other is Prime TV) I was willing to spend the $100 for membership, and in fact it's up for renewal in a week.

In the meantime, though, I have to figure out what to do without the mat at the first yoga class on Saturday. Obviously I don't want to buy a 2nd yoga mat but I need something to sit on. All I have is a small bamboo bath mat which won't offer much cushioning, or a 3 foot square carpet I use in the bathroom; might look a little silly when everyone else has regular yoga mats.

I'm doing the 1st of 2 loads of laundry. This is why I love working at home. I can get personal stuff done without it really interfering with my work.

I felt so good about the results after I got down on my knees to clean every square inch of my kitchen floor that I might try to do the same elsewhere, one room at a time. Most of the rooms actually have too much of my mother's stuff in them to easily do that, but I think I can probably try the dining room next. Somehow a vacuum doesn't really get all the dust, even without rugs on the wood floor.

The newsletter editor for a local arts group my mother belonged to sent me this month's newsletter because it contained news on my mother's passing. I thanked her for it but also in reading it I noticed they have a spring art show coming up in early April with the theme of "flowers." My mother did some gorgeous flower pieces so I'm hoping I can enter 2 pieces for mom. She would be so pleased to see me continue to keep her work, and her memory, alive, and it would be nice to sell a few pieces.



(As you may remember, I did a 31-piece solo show for mom with the help of a local art curator who arranged the exhibit at a local health spa. That was while my mom was still alive, but she was in rehab at that point. I remember hoping she would be well enough to see it in person but the show ended Oct. 31 and my mother had not really ever recovered. Very sad. That show was also way too much work, given the number of pieces, all of which had to be packaged in bubblewrap for safe handling.



The upcoming flower show permits just 2 entries, so that's just fine. My mother's flower pieces are among my favorites, but I counted 8 that I have so I think I could part with 1 or 2.