Home > Snow is coming, and a rant

Snow is coming, and a rant

January 21st, 2016 at 02:24 am

A large storm is coming our way and is expected to last all weekend, dumping about a foot of snow in this, our very first serious snowstorm of the season.

I don't feel ready for it but I did buy a new shovel. I'm going to call my dad tomorrow and remind him NOT to try to clear his stairs or even go out there.

Working at home tomorrow. I have a physical scheduled for 1st thing in the morning. It's something I always look forward to becus I like the APRN I've been seeing there for the past 20 years. Also, I have a great interest in interpreting and seeing the results of my blood work, which is generally very good. This time I'll be requesting two additional tests to check my homocysteine level and C-reactive protein, an inflammation marker. The 1st is important to ensure I don't have a B vitamin deficiency (as a vegan, I must supplement).

Friday I have my end of year performance review with my old boss. I don't expect any unpleasant surprises. It would be nice to get more than the usual 2% raise but I'm not counting on it. I did today receive a certain award from a fellow employee I work with for some things I'd done with her. Definitely all in a day's work and I was so surprised when she sent the award. The award is simply an email message, but the nice thing is that my new boss was copied, so she can see the value I bring, which is important as she doesn't really know me yet (we don't work in the same location). If you get this same award from a VP, then it comes with a gift card and you could be nominated for the chairman's award, yadda yadda.

I am feeling anxious about new boss because at a recent meeting the new boss's boss made mention that when we do our personal development goals for 2016, it can't just be a seminar somewhere; it needs to include "oral presentations." Now, as a writer, I have no need to be making presentations, the skills I use daily are not the kind that could be laid out simply in this kind of presentation and I'm the only writer anyway, so no one would understand/relate to what I was saying. More importantly than any of this, I am DEATHLY afraid of public speaking. Oh, I guess I could manage with a very small group of say 4, but that's about it.

I have no interest in toastmasters or "developing" this part of me. If I'd wanted to be Donald Trump, I would have done it a long time ago. I know that if I was forced to do some public speaking in front of a large group, I would be so petrified that it would be humiliating to have this seen by others and the fear would totally consume me in the weeks leading up to it. Just not worth it.

I anticipate they will try to get me to do this anyway and I will have to refuse. In fact, I am prepared to lose my job over it. Oh, I don't think it would happen directly, but perhaps down the road if layoffs were ever in the works, they might target me becus I'd already demonstrated an unwillingness to do as requested. And as you may recall, I already put my foot down about making the 6-hour drive up there every few weeks. Just didn't want to do it, especially when my work for them was only supposed to be at most 20% of my work time. So they may begin to perceive me as unambitious or uncooperative or whatever. Hence the need to demonstrate my value in other ways, like when a fellow employee shoots off an email xx award.

For such a brief time, my job had seemed, well, too good to be true. I'd gotten the ability to work at home 2 days a week and the customer communications copywriting I was doing for old boss was not that difficult. The volume of work was very reasonable, especially when I compare it to some hellish work environments of the past.

Now, stupidly, my old boss's boss's boss, whom I've never even met, decided it made more sense for me to report to Creative Services instead of Customer Communications, even though I still do the customer comm workload PLUS new creative services stuff plus more marketing stuff for student lending and business banking that I've been doing also (and which I enjoy). But somehow the new boss zeroed right in on two things I find extremely distasteful: regular business travel and public speaking. Sigh.

Old dogs can't learn new tricks. Old dogs have no interest in learning new tricks. It's just the way it is. I know myself too well. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and these are mine. They can't expect everyone to conform to their preconceived model of what the model employee looks like. This is how extroverts make an introvert feel bad, when really, introverts bring several valuable skills that extroverts lack. But you never hear about that.

This will likely cost me future promotions, but since I've only planned to work f/t for 4 more years all along, it doesn't really matter.

The company recently made a change to its pay scale, meaning that the different job grades will no longer come with a minimum salary requirement. I know they're doing that to save themselves money becus it will be easier to get away with paying people less if there's no mandatory minimum. I think that sucks, and this is what I hate about corporate America. The little guy doesn't stand much chance to get a fair shake.

8 Responses to “Snow is coming, and a rant”

  1. Amber Says:

    Congratulations on the reward from the fellow employee who also copied your boss, that was awsome! I'll keep my fingers cross for a 2%+ increase and try not to sweat the other stuff, I know it's hard but just try.

  2. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Coincidentally, I just mentioned my B-12 deficiency on Mrs Frugalista's blog. Do NOT let yourself get B-12 deficient. It is awful.

  3. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    I so totally get you about the public speaking. I have no issues with speaking in front of little people up to about 15 y.o. or so. Put more than a few adults in the mix ... and then I have a problem.

  4. Livingalmostlarge Says:

    good luck on the award. DH used to do Toastmasters and still wants to continue when he has time again. LOL.

  5. Carol Says:

    A crazy idea- I know you don't want to do business travel-- that drive you've described before --up and back in one day sounds hellacious. I wonder if the next time they are having one of their get togethers, you could ask to have them ( the bank) put you up overnight. Could you link it to having a little toot on your way home or link it to a weekend or just turn it into a win for you somehow. After all, you can work a lot better if you aren't exhausted.

  6. CB in the City Says:

    I am an introvert, surrounded by extroverts. Nobody ever gets me, and they aren't interested in trying. (They're extroverts, so they're in the right, of course.) Smile I would urge you not to draw the line on public speaking, if it would cost you your job. Tell them openly that you are a writer, and an introvert, and that you are very uncomfortable speaking in public. That said, if you have to do it, go ahead and do it badly. That will take some courage, but really, a lot of the stress in public speaking is self-imposed by trying to do it well, or to keep from embarrassing yourself. If you are really bad, your point will be made. No one will fire a writer for not being a good speaker (unless they are REALLY idiots), but they might fire you for being obstinate or insubordinate. And you might find that you are better than you think. Extroverts aren't necessarily good at it. They may wander and get off-track, lose the point, or do some attention-seeking instead of informing. I am certain that even if you are nervous, you will also be focused, clear, and informative.

    I'm saying this because I have had to make oral presentations, even though I am a researcher. I decided to just go ahead and stink at it, and surprised myself.

    You don't ever have to like it, but don't lose your job over it!

  7. Dido Says:

    I second CB. If you take a look at academics, many are introverts who have learned, but never really feel comfortable, putting themselves out on the line. It's the way you talk to yourself about public speaking that makes it so distasteful. How about suggesting that the best way that, as a writer, you can help is to work with others as a speechwriter and help draft or revise their talks? That way you are buidling on your strengths while being cooperative rather than digging your heels in.

    Congrats on the email award and I hope things go well today.

  8. patientsaver Says:

    Carol, that's a good idea but I really don't want to spend the night up there. One of my cats has a hyperactive thyroid and needs his meds to control it twice a day.

    FrugalTexan, that's so funny that the adults...but not the kids...get you nervous. All these fears must surely stem from childhood experiences, don't you think?

    CB, I do appreciate all the effort you went into to write your thoughtful response, but, no, I really don't want to do it. I don't really think they could fire me for the simple reason that about 75% of my time is still spent doing customer communications for another group, not for them. So it would create complications if they had to replace me, and I do that end of my job extremely efficiently and seamlessly, which I know my old boss values. They love it that I'm so fast and most people, when working for me the first few times, are really startled by how quickly I'll turn a project around. I don't do a half-assed job, I do quality work, but I can work quickly because I've had a chance to hone my skills for nearly 30 years now. Smile
    Dido, that's not a bad idea...actually, that's a very clever way to sidestep the issue and I will certainly try it...although I don't think that will deter them from trying to insist on me doing an oral presentation irregardless. I will try to be "nice" and smile sweetly and all that, but no, CB, just can't do it. I would get an ulcer from the worry. Honestly. I've gotten more than halfway through my life and largely avoided this kind of thing in my career, so to start now, 4 years before my planned exit from full-time work, um, NO, nah, nada, nope, no way, no how.

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