Home > Weekend wrap-up

Weekend wrap-up

October 19th, 2014 at 07:10 pm

I bought a new hot water heater insulation wrap at Lowes since I replaced the hot water heater last year sometime. I'm not sure I'll get to putting it on today (in fact, I probably won't), but it'll go on my To Do list for next weekend.

Tuesday is going to be a tough day. It's the day my mother has a follow-up doc appt. when we will learn if she has dementia or Alzheimer's. I don't know how she will take it but I know it is definitely a concern for her.

I have a podiatrist appt of my own in the morning and then I will head straight to my mother's doctor's office after that.

I had only been planning on working from home Tuesday, but now with my mother's appointment, I might tell my boss I'll take the day as a day off so she doesn't think I'm taking advantage or anything. The doctor appointments will take up close to a half day.

A friend and I were supposed to take my mother car shopping Saturday but I decided to defer this until we hear from the doctor on Tuesday. If the doc says it's not safe for her to drive, it doesn't make sense to buy her a car beforehand. Although I doubt she would comply and stop driving if the doc said she shouldn't anyway. As it was, she couldn't find the title for her current car but then she found it Saturday morning after I had already cancelled car shopping with my friend.

I also plan to call her mechanic Monday to ask why specifically he was saying she needs a new car. Putting a few thousand into the 96 Subaru might still make sense if she's only going to drive another year or two, compared to spending $10 or $12,000 on a new (used) Subaru, plus higher insurance, registration, etc. I just can no longer assume my mother's capable of having this kind of conversation with her mechanic. If I ask her what someone said, I never get much of any detail from her.

The advantage of moving forward with a car purchase would be that I'd be removing a small portion of assets from her overall estate and converting it into something (a car) which I don't believe a nursing home would go after and claim. Other than this, I don't anticipate my sister or I seeing any inheritance. I'm fairly sure whatever savings my mother has now will be taken by a nursing home when the time comes.

Some of you were asking what happened with the potential paraplegic date I had. I decided to not respond again, as he'd requested, and did not see him. I know some of you probably didn't like my reaction to the prospect of getting involved with a paraplegic, but I have to assess my own life right now and decide whether I would have the time or energy to deal with that. Looking at the facts (he lives over an hour away, I work full time with a 35-minute commute and I have the responsibility of looking after my mother and an old house I'd like to fix up enough to sell) I don't see how it would work.

I did meet someone else who lives right in my hometown. Soooo much better. He is a cop (in another town an hour away) and works the nightshift. So that would be a challenge, too. He also had bariatric surgery sometime ago and said that while he has lost a lot of weight, he still has a ways to go, and having met him once, I basically agree. Partly because of the weight issue, I'm not sure I'm romantically attracted to him, but he is a super nice guy and I know the weight should not be an issue if I can be patient and understanding about that. (Most men wouldn't give a heavy woman a second look, that I know for sure.) So that's why we're getting together later today for a 2nd meeting. Actually, I'll be getting to meet his horse, his 3 dogs and his chickens, and then we'll be going out to dinner before he heads to work later tonight around 10 pm.

I could really use a supportive person in my life because dealing with my mother can often be frustrating, draining and stressful. In fact, it's the biggest stress in my life these days.

I do have friends that I talk to about things that come up, but there's nothing like having someone close to you whot you can really lean on. Right now I have to make a lot of decisions about my mother on my own, and I often feel I totally screw it up and do things with a sledgehammer when it doesn't have to be that way. It's just that my mother resists every suggestion I made to help her and I have to spend all my time cajoling, persuading etc. etc and actually that doesn't always work anyway. As mentioned before, patience is not a virtue of mine.

At least now the lack of money is not a problem. I am saving 22% of salary and still have plenty left over to spend on home improvements or just stuff that pleases me. And, maybe as a way to deal with the crappola and stress, I do spend on myself. Yesterday I went to a craft fair and spent $52 on a beautiful dried floral arrangement, which I would show you if the photo problems on this site were ever fixed.

I got another 30% off Kohl's coupon so I bought my sister a shirt for Xmas and one for myself for just $15. I also dropped off a few things as donations for Good Will, filled up the gas tank and spent an hour or so at my mother's to go through her "paperwork."

When she wasn't looking, I trashed a bunch of junk mail which she insists she wants to read but I know she never will get through. She has piles of such junk mail in various rooms of her condo which I consider a fire hazard and an obstacle if you're walking. Most of the time she insists on going through each individual piece of paper with me explaining what it is before she will agree that I can toss it; this process takes hours. So when she went to the bathroom, I grabbed handfuls of stuff I knew she'd NEVER MISS.

I mowed the lawn and leaves on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I picked up produce from the farm (cabbage, eggplant, peppers, apples, kale, butternut squash) and blanched a bunch of kale, which is drying now and just about ready for the freezer.

I'm running my new dishwasher for the first time right now. Seems to run fine and now I have a functional dishwasher. I'll have to remember to use it more often. The main thing was i needed the new one for when I sell this place.

5 Responses to “Weekend wrap-up”

  1. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Good luck on Tuesday. It will be good to have an answer about your Mom.

  2. snafu Says:

    Have you set a target date for listing your house for sale? Have you decided what type of accommodation you'd like next? Small house, townhouse style, strata apt. or apartment style condo? Would you live in your current community, closer to your mom's or where you work? Have you worked our the minimal size and requirements? I ask because we unexpectedly sold our home fast and had a very short period to find a condo, pack-up and move. It meant selling everything that didn't fit and donating everything that didn't sell. At that point in time DH was still working in China, DSs were busy with school and too young to help making it was a one person operation.

    It's so difficult when a parent shows symptoms of dementia. Medications help but you will need all of your sense of humour and pleasant childhood memories to gently guide mom through daily living. I't likely some of being cranky or stubborn is a reflection of frustration with day-to-day problems. Does her doctor suggest a combination of exercise and vitamins? I can't imagine 'sledgehammer' point of view helpful to you or your mom. What do you think?

  3. Another Reader Says:

    So glad you are facing your mom's situation realistically and finding ways to deal with problems as they arise. Sometimes your state DMV can be helpful in getting someone that should not be driving off the road. Here in California, the driving skills of the elderly are tested more frequently and reports of driving safety issues with older family members are taken seriously. This is an effective way to get the driver to stop driving without you as the child being blamed.

  4. Wink Says:

    I can relate to your challenges with your mom. Finding out what she is dealing with on Tuesday will be helpful to know as well as hard to know. It can be emotionally exhausting caring for a parent. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can.

  5. CB in the City Says:

    I probably need someone to throw away my junk mail!

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