. So for the past year or so I've been dabbling in online dating. Nothing to date worth mentioning here, as I've met a few people one time and decided not to pursue it.
Recently I met a guy who seemed pretty appealing. He's written 3 books and is a writer like me. He does live 1.5 hours away from me, but becus of what i saw as common interests (he's also vegan like me) i told him i was willing to take things a step at a time and see what happens. Then he suggested we get together for lunch at a restaurant midway between us.
It was only when I tentatively agreed to do that this weekend that he said oh, by the way, I'm a paraplegic following a diving accident in the 1990s. He uses crutches to get around (a wheelchair in the house) and that it doesn't stop him from doing most things, but he does do them more slowly.
This is when I started feeling queasy and like a real shit. Do I, with my f/t job, aging parent issues and old house to keep up really want to take on a long distance boyfriend who happens to be a paraplegic? I don't think I do. Do I feel like a total cad for saying that? Yes.
In the email that he told me that, he said if i wasn't interested to just say nothing at all, in big bold letters. Evidently he has experienced rejection in the past, and I'm sure it's very hurtful. Yet i feel like he set me up for this, in part, by not telling my about this until after I'd agreed to meet him. If I were in his shoes, I would just put it all out there in his dating profile; that way, he could be sure that anyone who struck up a conversation with him was ok with it.
So I don't know what to say to him. If i tell him the truth, it would be rather hurtful. I was thinking of just telling him that since we spoke I met someone else from the dating site and hit it off fairly well with them and want to see where that leads. I did in fact meet someone else on the site who lives right here in my hometown and who I DO plan to meet this weekend. It's just that that hasn't happened yet.
Do you think I should say that? Or do you think it's advisable to just take him at his word and say nothing further to him, no explanation as it appears that's what he'd preferred. It seems pretty cold.
I went to the podiatrist today about the ball of my foot that's been sore since 2010. Two previous podidatrists had not taken x-rays so this one said let's do it, which we did, much as I hate x-rays, and naturally it showed nothing. Which is only to say that I don't have a metallic foreign body in my foot. There could still be a sliver of glass, a wood splinter or even a cat hair. So then we talked and he painted on some salicylic acid, which is commonly u sed to treat warts, except that this was heavy duty salicylic acid. I'm to wear the bandaid til tomorrow morning and return to him in 2 weeks time, at which point the acid will have dissolved my skin at the point of entry of whatever it was, theoretically making it easier to get whatever was in there out. If if's even in there now.
I know 4 years was too long to wait, but I didn't think a 3rd podiatrist would have any more tricks up his sleeve, and i found that by wearing padded band-aids I could get around just fine. That is, until i pulled my hamstring and all of a sudden my foot is sore again, with or without a band-aid.
We'll see what happens.
A difficult decision
October 7th, 2014 at 10:21 pm
October 7th, 2014 at 10:48 pm 1412722096
October 7th, 2014 at 11:02 pm 1412722949
October 8th, 2014 at 02:38 am 1412735933
I can see his POV where he might think, well, no one would be interested in a paraplegic at first glance, but maybe if they liked my personality before they found out, they would set aside their feelings about that. I can also see how it seems deceptive from your perspective, and I don't know how I myself would react.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
October 8th, 2014 at 03:38 am 1412739526
October 8th, 2014 at 01:31 pm 1412775063
This is not as dramatic, but similar in some regard. It is a lot to take on. On the flip side, my sister prefers men she can take care of. He probably needs to find someone more in that personality range.
October 8th, 2014 at 01:35 pm 1412775309
October 8th, 2014 at 02:05 pm 1412777118
October 8th, 2014 at 04:48 pm 1412786936
It's a really tough situation. Best of luck to you in handling it.
October 8th, 2014 at 06:15 pm 1412792141
I would meet him.
October 8th, 2014 at 09:36 pm 1412804163
It is just lunch - he didn't ask to move in with you.
October 10th, 2014 at 02:40 am 1412908816
October 19th, 2014 at 02:22 pm 1413728569
Incidentally, what did you do and is there follow-up to this?