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Easter plans

April 14th, 2017 at 04:42 pm

Another major holiday is approaching. Not really being religious, I never really thought of Easter as a major holiday, but truth be told, it was one of 3 major holidays, not including Mother's Day and our respective birthdays, when we all got together.

Now that mom is gone and I still have no relationship with my sister, the approaching holiday has been causing some stress. I know if I did nothing on Sunday and stayed home alone I would be depressed and sad after 55 years of always having someplace to go.

I thought about past Easters when I would buy some flowers or sometimes bring even a homemade Easter basket for my mother and sister. I think about how some years, when Easter was warm and sunny, how both me and my sister, I think, shared a secret longing to not have to show up for Easter because we both just wanted to stay home and plant stuff in the yard and otherwise enjoy the weather outdoors instead of being holed up in my mother's condo where she never opened the windows (due to her allergies). Now i would give anything to have another Easter with mom.

So I asked my friend R. if he was going to his niece's home for Easter, knowing full well that he would be, and hoping he would invite me to come. That's what he did, and so I am feeling weepy and grateful to have a family to spend Easter with.

This past week when I was in various stores I would see the aisles with all the Easter bunny chocolates and lilies, and it all reminded me of Easters past, and it was terribly depressing to think I had no one to buy little Easter treats for.

Now I have my friend's niece's 2 daughters to buy for, plus his sister and niece. I feel so relieved. I am waiting to hear back whether there's a dish I can bring. It's almost like having my adopted 2nd family.

R. and I are like fire and ice. (I'm a Leo, He's Aires.) When I fell in love with him about 30 years ago, we fought a lot, and that hasn't changed all that much over the years. But we are both mature enough to get over our quarrels and enjoy the good things about our friendship.

He is one person who perfectly understands how I feel about my mother's loss, as he was very close to both his parents and still grieves for them. In fact I might say he taught me things about family I never really knew coming from a divorced family and a sibling I wasn't close to.

8 Responses to “Easter plans”

  1. Dido Says:

    I'm glad you have R's family to spend the day with. Your feelings about Easter are like mine about Thanksgiving, the one holiday that really bums me out, having no local family. And it's nice that you're going to a family event. That was one of the things that ended my last relationship: even tho Tom had family locally and they did have family holidays, he never invited me, prefering instead that the two of us spend part of the day together, while he'd go off with his family for the other part. The boyfriend prior to that, Jim, had me very much integrated into his family, so much so that I *still* am in touch with several of his siblings (even while he has 3 young sons and I haven't had any emails from him since his eldest son was born 7 years ago). I am a sucker for family events since it's been decades since I had any to go to--a wedding and a funeral six years ago is it. I've gotten used to it but it definitely is one of those things that feels like ripping a bandaid off a wound time and time again. So I'm glad you have somewhere to look forward to going to on Sunday!

  2. My English Castle Says:

    It's good to have plans. My little family is staying put and spending Easter by ourselves for the first time in five or six years. Even that seems a bit meager. I think holidays are so hard in the years folowing the loss of a parent. My DH is still mourning his dad--and we've indeed spent the last four Easters in the UK with him.

  3. PatientSaver Says:

    MEC, Dido, hugs to both of you.

    Dido, that is a sad story about the 2 boyfriends. Well, Tom in particular. It sort of reminds me when I was dating the doctor. He would always talk in terms of the future saying "I'm" going to do this," or "maybe when I'm retired I'll do that..." and not once would he venture a "we." You never know how a relationship will work out, but this was the only one where he seemed unwilling to consider a future with "we." I found it depressing and unsettling although I never mentioned it to him. It's nice that you are still in touch with Jim's siblings. I don't know how you get used to it and the prospect of floundering around every holiday, every year is not one I look forward to. Thanksgiving is possibly my favorite holiday. I love food!

  4. Dido Says:

    (see below)

  5. Dido Says:

    Yes, it takes a while to adjust to the emotional burden of holidays. The cultural depiction of the way holidays "should" be makes it difficult. It's one reason I am glad to be Jewish: it definitely takes the pressure off of Easter and Christmas, and there are families in the congregation who will invite singletons over for Passover (although I got a last minute assignment thrown at me at work Monday for Tuesday and ended up missing both Seders that I was invited to this week) and the congregation throws a party for Hanukkah. I probably spent a decade hinting about needing a place to go to for Thanksgiving, another decade cooking and inviting others over, and these days I have one friend with whom I spend part of the day (where we each cook part of the meal) before she goes to spend the rest with her daughter's family in NJ. I usually do something with the same friend, and possibly others (all from the Congregation) on my birthday. Having a new "routine" as it were makes the holidays and birthdays easier than figuring out something new each year. It's one reason I maintain the congregational affiliation even though not being terribly religious, and why I wish my sister would join one.

    Having a routine for the holidays and getting used to the idea that it is just a handful of days each year makes it easier with time, but still not easy.

  6. CB in the City Says:

    I always feel bad on Valentine's Day, though it is getting better now that I'm older and there are so many others my age who have no significant other. Having children and grandchildren gets me through the other holidays, but it is still a fractured family and tricky navigating sometimes. I guess we all long for the Norman Rockwell fantasy. It helps to be grateful for your friends and for the time you had with the family you have lost, but are still in your heart.

  7. Livingalmostlarge Says:

    I'm glad that you can appreciate the little things still and have found a new family to embrace. I am sorry to hear Dido and MEC.

  8. rob62521 Says:

    So glad you have a new "family" to enjoy Easter with. As Dido wrote, we see these movies and commercials and feel we are left out if we don't have big family gatherings on holidays. And perhaps we are to a certain extent. You are now making new traditions and that is good and healthy too.

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