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Forever Wild & Free, by Luther H. Patient Saver

April 21st, 2016 at 02:35 am

Yeah, so The Human is fond of saying she is "a writer's writer." Meaning, she has a passion for what she does and she was born to do it.

Snort.

Where does she come up with this stuff?

To which I say, Hey, lady. If you're a writer's writer, I'm a cat's cat. Hear me roar. I am Cat. Forever wild and free.

It makes me chuckle when I think about how the only place "safe" for The Human to pet me is on the top of my head or back of the shoulders.



Occasionally, she can scratch my ears.


Anywhere else, and those human fingers are fair game.

She just doesn't learn. She says my giant paws with the hair growing between my delectable Maine Coon toes is just too hard to resist.



Unwisely, she tries to touch them. This triggers my bite reflex, but somehow the years of domesticity have softened the 3,700 pounds-per-square-inch strength of my jaws, so I will lunge for her paw, clamp down on her tasty little finger in my mouth, then immediately lick it a little to let her know she'll get off with just a warning...this time. She still hasn't taken the hint though. Slow learner.

Allow me to properly introduce myself.

My full name is Luther Hoover Patient Saver. I was named Luther partly for the German theologian who began the Protestant Reformation, and also partly because if you say "Luther" very fast it sounds like Lucifer, the devil, and umm, that sounds like me.

As for my middle name, I was NOT named for our 31st president, as you might think, but for the venerable vacuum cleaner that, like me, sucks up everything left on the floor. Stringies, rubber bands, giant wandering ants, bits of strangely alluring dust and captivating, captured flies are just a few of my favorite things.

I am daring and dashing when it comes to anything food-related. The human says I'm "food-oriented." I don't know about that, but I can tell you nothing stands between me and FOOD.

Like, every night, we get our after-dinner snack. When The Human heads upstairs for the evening, I know the first thing she'll do is head into the bedroom to draw down the blinds. I like to race joyfully into the room ahead of her (practically tripping her in the process and often eliciting a loud shouting of my name), so I can leap atop my giant cardboard cat scratcher. This will put me about 12 inches higher and 12 inches closer to the aforementioned snacks when they fall from her paws onto the floor. One needs to be prepared.

So last night at the all-important Snack Time (something I've petitioned Obama about...you know, declaring a national Snack Day) The Human put a few snacks in front of me on the scratching post and a few in front of my bro, Waldo, who was lying on the bed.

I wolfed mine down in .45 of a second. Surprisingly, Waldo didn't touch his. What can I say, sometimes he's in the mood, sometimes he's not. I jumped on the bed and Waldo, who's such a push-over, allowed audacious me to gobble up HIS snacks from right between his paws, with nary a protest.

Wow. He's so mellow. It's hilarious.

Like me, Waldo can only be petted very carefully. But not because The Human could lose a finger from him like she could from me. It's because he's still so gosh darn shy. As long as The Human doesn't move too fast or try to scoop him up in an embrace, he's good. As he tells me all the time, he's a lover, not a fighter.

I guess that's why we get along so well. Cus I'm the alpha, and he's not. It works for us.

Well, it's 5 a.m. and I need to fit in another cat nap before daybreak. hope you enjoyed these little insights into the workings of the feline mind.

Up Next: Me, the Escape Artist

6 Responses to “Forever Wild & Free, by Luther H. Patient Saver”

  1. Turtle Lover Says:

    Hello Waldo I'm looking forward to the next post :-)

  2. LuckyRobin Says:

    I thought Maine coon cats were grey and black. They have orange ones? That is neat. I am drawn towards orange cats and Maine coon cats.

  3. Kiki Says:

    These entries are so cute!

  4. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Luther, what an interesting life you lead. And I'm with you in the National Snack Day. Draw up the pet-ition and I will put my name on it.

  5. MonkeyMama Says:

    Such a pretty boy!

  6. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Nice to meet you Luther. Smile

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