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Taxes: done

February 9th, 2016 at 12:05 am

No refunds this year. I paid $364 for the federal and just $8 owed on the state of CT tax return. Both are filed and done with til next year. Doing my taxes has become much more manageable since I stopped working freelance, since I now have but one employer (not 3) and since I stopped selling mutual funds.

It snowed all day today but when I went out to shovel, there was really only about 3 inches on the driveway.

I had a lull in my work today and I had a thought that this would be a good time to call my mother. Of course I can't, and the thought of that sent me into tears.

This happens regularly. Don't want to sound like a baby, but I miss my mother terribly. This Saturday I will finally be able to go to a bereavement support group about 45 minutes south of here. None of the groups closer to me meet at the right time, and this is the only one that meets on a Saturday. I hope to gain something from it by talking to others who are going through the same thing.

A few days ago i had the young mason here who had redone my stone stairway last year; i was getting a price from him for possibly redoing part of my driveway in pavers. He remembered I had talked about my mom last summer and he asked how she was. When i told him she had passed, he commiserated, but told me his own mother died when she was just 37. He suggested that losing one's mother at such a young age is harder than losing your mother after she's lived a full life. It's not, and it's stupid of people to try to make comparisons, like my loss was harder than your loss. It makes no difference how old someone is when they die... you still miss them just as much.

I got the big ($11,461) final bill from Masonicare, and was happy to write out the check and be done with it. I silently thanked my mother for having enough money to pay all these final bills; imagine how stressful it would be if, on top of your grief, you had to deal with the monetary pressures of not having enough money to pay these massive expenses.

There are still 3 or 4 providers I owe money to (for services ordered by the doctor at Masonicare, for the month of December, which I didn't even know about til i got the Medicare statement) but they will be smaller bills totaling a few thousand, I think. I am so anxious to put this aspect behind me, but it has to all play out as it will. The hospital and other service providers take a while for their billing departments to process everything. It's just draining, emotionally.

6 Responses to “Taxes: done”

  1. mjrube94 Says:

    {HUGS}. It's so tough to lose your mom. Thinking of you!

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs)) I think wishing you could still reach out and talk to a loved one is very common. And the sadness is real because the loss is real.

  3. jokeabee Says:

    I don't know if this is helpful, but after my mom passed I read a lot of grief memoirs. It felt...better (not the best word) to know that other people felt/feel the same as me. My favorites were "The Long Goodbye" by Meghan O'Rourke and "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. Sometimes I could let my grief that felt selfish (my mom wasn't in pain anymore, it was selfish to wish she was back just because I missed her) become grief for someone else, and sometimes it just let me envelop myself in grief and have a tremendous cry. I hope this is not out of line to suggest-I know everyone is different and everyone grieves in their own way.



  4. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    The night I got engaged I so badly wished that I could've talked to my dad and told him the news. The missing hits at unexpected times.

    {{hugs}}

  5. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    After my dad died I thought of him every day for probably five years. Every day. We'd hadn't lived geographically close to each other in decades. He's been gone for around 15 years now, and the other day my sister (Daddy's girl Smile ) speculated on what our family dynamics would now be like if he were still alive. Although the sharp sting of his death is gone I still miss him. You aren't a baby because you miss your mom.

  6. Ima saver Says:

    I still think of my dad almost every day and he died when I was almost 10, a long, long time ago. (1954)

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