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Confessions

February 5th, 2016 at 04:37 pm


A cedar tree near the driveway that was once just a few feet tall.

Housekeeping is not my forte. There, I've said it. With two profusely shedding cats and my mother's stuff propped up all over the place, it's hard to keep the place clean.

I did manage to do my once-every-two-weeks vacuuming. Today. I'm not sure what came over me. I had the energy to go further, so I got down on my knees and cleaned the kitchen floor with just a sponge. I'd gotten tired of all the dusty cat hairs that seem to collect underneath the cabinets. I wiped everything down and then decided to rotate my small kitchen island on casters to create more room. I even pulled out the refrigerator and cleaned up all the dust behind it, don't ask me why.

I have to admit the kitchen floor looks so much better. Not sure how much of it is psychological, and only because I know I scrubbed every square inch, but I do really think it looks cleaner.

Now another completely different kind of confession: Since my mother passed, I've lost interest in my work. I feel distracted. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I've also been feeling a sense that I need to make some big changes in my life, to do the things I want to do, that life is too short to waste doing anything less.

Part of it is due to the loss of my mom but part of it is also due to the recent restructuring of my job where I now report to someone new and work with a team that is located in Massachusetts. This was supposed to be a pretty small add-on to my existing work, since my current responsibilities, customer communications, haven't gone away, but between the meetings and the work that follows, it seems like it's taking up half my time. So now a job that I enjoyed is not so much fun.

I'm not especially liking it. I did revisit my financial status with the thought of leaving. While I'm doing very well by probably most people's standards, it really would be premature and probably a mistake to leave such a well-paying job just a few years earlier than planned. Three-and-a-half more years, I keep telling myself...three-and-a-half more years.

I went so far as to peruse other internal openings at the bank but of the 4 writing jobs posted, I either didn't qualify or wasn't interested. I probably won't do much more than that, but I do feel that old familiar feeling of being disenchanted with work, disinterested and disgruntled. Nothing new, but oh well.

The one fortunate thing is that the physical distance between me and the rest of my "team" helps to camouflage my dissatisfaction since they don't/won't often see me.

I'm glad the weekend is here and that the four-inch snowfall gave me a reason to stay home today.


This is the view at the foot of my driveway after I made one pass with the shovel.

The driveway is mostly shoveled so I can maybe pay a visit to the local healthy pet food place where some animals will be up for adoption. Not at all looking to adopt, but I would love to look.

I want to at least start doing my tax returns this weekend. Ugh, but it would be great to have it out of the way.

13 Responses to “Confessions”

  1. mjrube94 Says:

    Beautiful snowfall!

  2. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    That's pretty impressive, pulling the fridge out and everything. You vacuum more often than I do. A lot more often. Smile Yeah, housework isn't my forte either.

  3. Jenn Says:

    Your yard pictures are beautiful in every season. I love being snowed in and having the excuse of staying home.

  4. ceejay74 Says:

    That's tough. You don't want to retire too early and make your later years unnecessarily tight, but for some, those few years between wanting to retire and actually doing can come to hold a lot of significance. I remember a blogger on here talking about how he waited about two years longer than he needed to out of caution, and he regretted losing those two years of retirement. (He was an early retiree.)

    My dad was a late retiree, not for financial reasons but because he's a man of habit and I think felt needed, and liked feeling needed, at work. I think he finally LEFT left (like no more contracting) at about 78 or 80. He told me on one of my last visit that he really regretted not retiring sooner because my mom had had to stop her in-home daycare business a couple years before he retired, and he now felt that she'd been really lonely during that time and he wished he'd retired early to hang out with her.

    But, on the other hand, I'm sure there are stories of retiring too early and having to really scrimp and save. So it's hard. But maybe with your mom's inheritance, your equation has changed somewhat? Unless you'd already factored that in, I'm not sure.

    Just rambling. I'm at least 10 and probably more like 30 years away from retirement, so it's all academic to me at this point.

  5. creditcardfree Says:

    I think you should like what you do as much as possible. So I feel sad knowing you are dissatisfied and could potentially be sad for 3.5 years of your life! That's big. I know you have referenced moving...so if you downsize your life, does that allow for an earlier retirement? Just thinking out loud, too.

  6. PatientSaver Says:

    Thank you for your thoughts.

    Creditcardfree, good question, if i downsized and moved now, would it allow for an earlier retirement? I have tried to figure that out and I think the answer is mostly no.

    I think I could get around $286K now for the house and buy an $250 to $260K condo that had what I wanted, but the savings in property taxes would be mostly eaten up by monthly condo charges.

  7. Joe Says:

    I noticed in your 2016 resolutions that you list 23K in automatic 401K savings. Just want to make sure you know the limit is 24K (18K + 6K catch-up).

  8. PatientSaver Says:

    Thanks, Joe. I think the reason I said $23K is because when I elect how much to contribute at my employer's, it's a percentage and you have to use whole numbers. If I had put in 1% higher than I did it would exceed the maximum allowed.

    Unless there's some way around that so you don't forfeit the couple hundred odd dollars?

  9. VS_ozgirl Says:

    If you decide to stay on to keep your financial plans on track you may have to do some research in how to cope with a job you're beginning to hate, as in finding something to keep you interested outside of work- what would your retired life involve? If your life at work is difficult and stale, you need balance in your life by having something outside of work to really spark your interest. A purpose of some sort? A new hobby? Realistically this will probably be your last paid job ever. Three and a half years is a long time but if you want a particular standard of living you may need to do a massive countdown and make your goal fun. And tell yourself each and every day "Last paid job ever. Time will fly and I will be retired comfortably." If you stay on, make that your mantra. Good luck to you, wishing you all the best.

  10. PatientSaver Says:

    Thank you, oz girl...good advice! I would want it to be the last (full time) job I have, but a lot can happen in 3.5 years, as you said. Especially at m y company...they frequently lay off, reshuffle the deck etc and you never see it coming.

    I am working on doing more outside the job and getting involved in my community.

  11. VS_ozgirl Says:

    It sounds like you're on the right track with getting involved with your community as I'm sure you'll see the benefits of that when you retire. I hope you a restructure not a layoff if they make any changes! Better for your finances. Good luck with it all!

  12. creditcardfree Says:

    Nice advice, PS!

  13. livingalmostlarge Says:

    Usually you go over contributions and they just stop it on the nose. At least that's what DH's company did

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