Distributing my mother's assets will require 3 different sets of paperwork. About half of it will have to go through probate (the proceeds from the sale of her condo), while the other half will bypass probate because my sister and I are named as beneficiaries on my mother's mutual fund accounts.

Because I have to return to work on Wednesday and I know the Probate Court is typically closed on Saturdays, I thought I'd better get the process started today. Probate court requires you to submit the paperwork within 30 days of the date of death.

I spent all morning preparing the paperwork for 1. probate and 2.mutual funds that include both taxable accounts and traditional IRA accounts.

I went to the bank to get the necessary medallion signature on the mutual fund forms and then to the PO to mail it, certified, to T. Rowe Price. It required 3 phone calls to them to ensure I was filling out their forms correctly. I hand delivered the other paperwork to probate court as I had a few questions.

I emailed my sister a detailed letter with all the required forms attached, telling her how to complete her own T. Rowe Price forms. I also mailed her a copy of the probate court paperwork, which is required, and asked her to sign to waive the hearing requirement to appoint me as executor, which would delay the whole probate process. (I already was named executor by my mother, but all beneficiaries have a right to contest the appointment by the judge if there's an issue.)

I have to wait for my sister's waiver, and then for the judge to okay me as executor, before I can proceed. However, in the meantime, I will be watching for 3 final bills in the mail I want to pay before the next step in the probate process, which is a statement of assets to the court (and my sister). The final Masonicare bill will be about $11,000 and there's a teeny final bill for her prescriptions by the pharmacy. The last bill I expect to receive in another 2 weeks is the balance due on my mom's tombstone, $1,000.

After reviewing a roughly 19-page guide to CT probate court, I can see there are a series of checks and balances to ensure that the executor does everything above board and fully transparent. Namely, I have to send my sister a copy of the initial submission to begin probate, which I did today (where she can contest me as executor), then later, I send her a copy of the inventory of assets I file with the court, then later, I file a final financial report after the accountant files an estate tax return, and still later, I send a copy to my sister of my final affidavit of closing and distribution of assets.

This is the first time I'm learning what the probate process is. What's disturbing to me is that about 10 years ago (or more) when my father's mother died, she named my sister as her executor. The money was evenly split between my dad's 4 children. My sister did not share any paperwork or documentation with any of the 4 children; she simply handed out checks to each of us when we all got together for dinner one night. At the time I privately wondered how we would know what the total value of the estate was and now I wonder how she could have possibly avoided all the reporting aspects unless she simply lied on the court paperwork where you're required to certify that copies were mailed to each beneficiary. I do remember her talking about how she had to wait for the ad in the newspaper alerting any possible creditors they have a limited time to submit a bill.

I haven't had a chance to research how NJ law works, since that's where my grandmother lived, and it's not really something I want to resurrect, but it's yet another reason for me why there's no love lost between my sister and myself. I don't feel I can trust her.

The amount I estimate my sister and I will both receive is a significant amount, but it's not enough to, say, retire today. For the time being it will be invested.

I am grateful to my mother for leaving us both this gift. Twice during the course of the journey with Alzheimers, I had plans laid in place which she interrupted.

First, after I moved her into assisted living, I had every intent to keep her going there for as long as possible becus that's where the best quality of life for her was. I planned to sell her art and all her yarns and throw it all in her checking account to pay for her exorbitant rent there. I was fully preparing to spend all of her assets on assisted living. As you remember, I had calculated I could keep her there 3.5 or 4 years before the money ran out. I thought a few times how sad it was that all these many years, she fully believed she'd be leaving my sister and I all her assets and what a shame it was that assisted living would take it all.

But all my plans were undone in September when my mom broke her hip. Ultimately, they wouldn't let her live in assisted living anymore because she needed round the clock care in the skilled nursing home. So that was the first turn of events which took matters out of my hands.

When I had to move her to the nursing home, I then assumed I would keep her going there until her money ran out and then I would file the paperwork for Medicaid to pick up the tab. I was resigned to seeing her entire estate sucked up by the even more exorbitant costs of nursing home care. Once again, mom took that decision out of my hands, by dying last week. I hadn't even considered that scenario. I (and a lot of other people) were shocked at her swift decline.

So mom, whether she knew it or not, found a way to ensure her daughters would receive an inheritance. This is what I was alluding to in an earlier post where I said, sometimes even the best laid plans won't necessarily unfold the way you expect them.

Grief, and/or depression, is very tiring. After I did all the paperwork and delivered stuff to probate, I had other errands I wanted to run but suddenly felt like I just wanted to go home and get under the bed covers at 3 in the afternoon, which is just what I did.