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The 20-mile bike ride

April 13th, 2014 at 05:37 pm

Today was another picture-perfect weather day. We had a lovely ride on the rail trail, which started in the commuter parking lot in Wassaic, the very last stop on the Harlem River line, which ends at Grand Central Station in NY. But this was about an hour and a half north of the city, in a very small town, to put it in perspective for those unfamiliar with NY State.

Here's a few shots:


This photo doesn't really do it justice, but all along the way (10 miles up and 10 miles back) we had great views of the surrounding farmland.


I loved seeing these stone walls with moss.



There were a lot of people out on the trail. We ended the 10 miles up there in the small country town of Millerton, NY. It's the home of Hanley & Sons Teas, so we stopped in and sampled some exotic teas at the "tea bar" and briefly browsed their store. We had a nice lunch outside, and then returned to the bikes for the ride home.

Once back at my place, I invited Mike in for a beer. He brought up the subject of "us," again, saying he'd sensed for a while that I am somewhat ambivalent about us, or holding back. Which is true, for all the reasons I told you about in my last post, but I hadn't realized it was somewhat transparent. He basically said he's fine with whatever I decide, if I want to be just friends or whatever, but he was also telling me he wants me to make up my mind fairly soon because he's been down this road before and he's not getting any younger. He had told me previously about the woman he dated for 4 months who was also ambivalent for that entire time.

He basically doesn't want to waste time on something that's not going to go anywhere, and I can't say I blame him. We agreed to talk again after Easter, since we both know we're both going to be busy with family stuff next weekend. But I've pretty much decided I have to let him go. It's not really fair to string him along, and while my initial impression of him was very positive, I just don't feel a strong attraction to him. He said two people should feel like they can't wait to see each other, when they're first starting to date, and he could tell that I didn't really feel that level of enthusiasm.

I'm depressed about having to end it becus this has been my problem in the past: it's hard for me to find a guy that really excites me. I really wonder if there's something wrong with me. I could be commitment-phobic, since my own parents divorced early on and my mother was married 3 times, so I didn't exactly have good role models.

I am somewhat reserved when I first meet someone but I also often feel that men want things to progress to sleeping together long before I'm really comfortable with that. And if I sense there's a real possibility things might not last, I certainly don't want to sleep with them, although it seems that for the guy, it's very different.

One thing I liked about Mike's profile is that he'd said he wanted to "take things slow," but then he brought up the subject and said so, you like to take things slow? and i said, well yeah, and i thought you did too since it was in your profile and he said well i usually go by what the other person wants to do. So i felt like he was basically trying to get at how long it might be before we slept together. I just don't feel at all ready to sleep with someone when I'm not completely sure I'm into the guy. I mean, today was only date #6.

Oh well. Meeting him was really great for my ego becus it had been a while since I'd dated anyone and it was very nice having someone who was interested and attracted to me. So, even though it didn't really work out, he has sort of spurred me on to want to find that elusive great relationship somewhere else.

5 Responses to “The 20-mile bike ride”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    He seems pushy for needing you to decide after 6 dates if you want things to go further! I don't think there is something wrong with you. I think he just isn't the right person for you.

  2. Looking Forward Says:

    Yeah, keep looking until you find that *one* where *you* are excited at the possibility to "knock boots". Big Grin

  3. CB in the City Says:

    I agree. If you're not excited to see him now, you'll be that much less excited after a couple of years of marriage! Keep looking for the one who tickles your fancy.

  4. Petunia 100 Says:

    I'm never certain how I feel about someone until after we have slept together. Smile
    You have to do what is right for you. If you want to be just friends, that's OK. Being in a relationship you don't really want to be in is a horrible place to be. "Just friends" is infinitely better.

  5. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    I think you are probably making a wise decision, and no, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Taking things slow is not a bad thing at all, and quite frankly I get really annoyed with guys who don't get that. If you think that this isn't the guy for you (not just for attraction issues) then sleeping with him (especially due to the attraction issues) doesn't make much sense at all (at least not to me.)

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