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Trying to climb out of a box with no openings

January 20th, 2012 at 07:58 am

I'm so f****** tired and exhausted.

You remember the small publisher I did contract work for back in Nov/Dec. The editor in chief more recently asked me if I'd be interested in a full-time, in-house project manager job and that she'd get back to me early this week, as soon as she "worked out the details" of the job.

I spent a lot of time crunching the numbers to see if I could survive on $40 or $45K, the amount I was guessing they'd offer. I wanted to make sure it was doable, and to be prepared if and when an offer came.

I finally heard back from her this morning. They've decided to turn it into a part-time staff position, which means they would take out FICA taxes but there would be no medical benefits. It would be 20 to 25 hours a week, 2 days in-house, 1 day at home. And I'm guessing it would still pay just $15/hr.

She said it would be research, writing the listings and using Quark, but also learning FileMaker and occasionally interacting with editors at various publications.

I'm like, totally demoralized, crushed. I thought I could finally escape chronic unemployment. I guess not. I just can't go on like this. They want to bleed you dry.

If I made between $300 and $375 a week, I guess this would again extend my dwindling unemployment benefits. At this point, I don't even know that they'd hire me, becus I don't know Quark (not sure she's aware of this) and I don't know FileMaker.

I'm just really so upset. I feel like every door I knock on is shut in my face. Full-time, salaried jobs with benefits just seem like an unattainable mirage that's always just beyond my reach.

21 Responses to “Trying to climb out of a box with no openings”

  1. My English Castle Says:

    Oh crud. Is it their budget problems? Full-time salaried jobs with benefits seem to be dematerializing everywhere. We've lost two full-time instructors this past year--one to early retirement and another to illness--and we're not hiring anyone for those jobs--just to ensure better security for those of already there.

    That seems to be the trend everywhere. Sending best wishes and non-Januaryish thoughts your way.

  2. scrappytappy Says:

    Frown
    How disappointing and frustrating. I'm thinking of you, patientsaver. I hope something works out.

  3. Thrifty Ray Says:

    {{hugs}} I cant even imagine how this feels- but I am so sorry for yet another blow. I was (we all were) hoping along with you that this one would work.

    The only thing I can offer is that when our company brings in temporary or part time employees, and we find that their performance and personality fit, they become top candidates on the list when full time opens....

    So hoping for good things for you this year!

  4. PatientSaver Says:

    Thanks, guys. I don't know whether it would be realistic to hope something f/t would open up later. Maybe it would, but i say that only becus they are quite small and seem to be operating with minimal crew.

    I was surprised when an old friend of mine who is very conservative and usually counsels me to take whatever job I can, responded to this latest news this way:

    "sadly, a supply and demand situation - many others out of work - but, hold out for $30 an hour - if they object, say your final offer is $25
    an hour - take it or leave it - if they can't give you that, for such responsibility, move on - say good bye to them - they might even call you back in a few weeks and offer you the $25 when they see what else is out there..keep your head high - you deserve more...."

    If i demanded $25/hr., I'm pretty sure they'd move on to the next candidate in line. This seems so out of character with his usual advice.

  5. ceejay74 Says:

    Aargh. I'm so sorry to hear that. My company keeps doing the same thing; promising to get me a full-time employee to help me out, then reneging and extending the contract of the woman who wants nothing to do with helping me with my main job responsibility. She's a help, but not the permanent help that I need. I've been embarrassed a couple times getting friends interested in the position and then having to tell them that my company changed their tune AGAIN.

    Your continuing struggles are a big reason I cling to my rather crappy job. You sound way more experienced and capable than me, so I keep thinking if you can't find permanent employment, what hope would I have if I didn't have this job?

  6. PatientSaver Says:

    Ceejay, I'm actually and sincerely glad that the ongoing saga of my unemployment could help a fellow SA blogger hold onto their job. No matter how crappy, it's worth it and so much safer to just hang in there until things normalize a bit. It's like a bad dream, but i can't allow myself to dwell on it much becus I'd get seriously depressed and lethargic and just give up. I can't afford to give up. I used to tell myself that if was ever chronically unemployed, I could always sell my house and move into a cheaper condo. I had no way of knowing how depressed the housing market would be but I really don't want to sell my house anyway. I've put so much into it already and I feel so comfortable here.

  7. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs)) Your frustration is completely understandable. Keep your head up.

  8. ceejay74 Says:

    When I read your posts I keep remembering this show about people lost in the wilderness, and this one man managed to survive for several months on his own. A narrator described him as "a super survivor."

    I can't imagine how many people in your place would be on welfare, homeless, or worse, by now. You are definitely a super survivor.

  9. Ima saver Says:

    I am so sorry to hear about this. I think about you every day and keep hoping that a good job will come thru for you.

  10. PatientSaver Says:

    Thank you, Ima. That was a really nice thing to say.

  11. retire@50 Says:

    so sorry to hear about your disappointment. I hope things get better.

  12. MonkeyMama Says:

    {HUGS}

  13. My English Castle Says:

    I completely agree with ceejay. Your ingenuity is always inspiring.

  14. mjrube94 Says:

    I'm sorry to hear this PS. I just posted this week about a friend who is in a similar boat. It's so tough. Hang in there...we're all pulling for you!

  15. CCraw Says:

    I'm sorry you are having such a rough time PatientSaver. Sending positive thoughts your way.

  16. cheapiepoo Says:

    This is really disappointing news. I actually have to agree with your friend on this one. You've already proven yourself in the temp job. I just can't help but think that this is due to the number of people out of work. They've got you by the you-know-whats. I say tell them what you are worth and don't settle. They may call you back and reconsider.

  17. frugaltexan75 Says:

    I am so sorry to hear this PS. Frown {{{hugs}}}

  18. LuckyRobin Says:

    Oh, man. That's just not on. I really hope you find the right something soon. I was really hoping these folks were it, but it seems not. You have really been one of the people that I admire. Watching you struggle through all this adversity and still manage to come out of things all right, even if sometimes it is only squeaking by. I don't think a lot of people could do it so well and for so long. In fact I know they could not. You really do deserve a break somewhere and I certainly am rooting for you that you find one soon.

  19. Looking Forward Says:

    ((HUGS)) You keep your head up.
    I am also rooting for you and sending good thoughts your way. Smile

  20. CB in the City Says:

    I am so sorry. You are indeed very patient; I would have cracked a long time ago.

    You have a lot a friends here, and I'm sure the real world will catch up soon and realize what a gem you are!

  21. Dido Says:

    Sigh. I'm so sorry to hear this, PS. A big hug to you.

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