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It's 4:08 a.m.

July 19th, 2011 at 01:22 am

For the most part, I'm pretty good at putting on my smilely face. But every once in a while, the fear and dread rises up in me like acid reflux refusing to be quelled. This is one of those times....

OhMyGodOhMyGodWhatAmiIGoingTtoDo?INeedaF******JobAmIGoingToBeEekingOutAnImpoverishedExistenceInMyOldAge?AfterAllMyHardWork.Downthetubes.

The first early risers are merrily chirping in the darkness outside.

I got out of bed because I was worried about not having access to my local news and weather reports after going cable-less. So I added an RSS weather feed to my Yahoo home page, where I frequently visit, as well as a subscription to NOAA severe weather alerts in my email inbox. Hopefully that will cover me as far as weather calamities. But what I really need is protection from financial calamities.

I watched an episode of So You Think You Can Dance on Hulu last night. It seemed to go well.

Sometimes long-term unemployment can seem like a bad dream I still haven't woken up from. Inexplicably, it sometimes hits me like a ton of bricks, as if I'm just discovering my predicament.

The wee hours of the early morning are when I have the greatest clarity.

9 Responses to “It's 4:08 a.m.”

  1. CB in the City Says:

    For me, the wee hours of the morning are the scariest but also turn out to be unrealistic. The light of day brings me relief.

    I know that unemployment has to be scary, but you have done very well in your investments and you are living very responsibly. I feel good things are coming for you.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs))

  3. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    It just doesn't seem fair that people who want and need to work can't find enough employment. Frown When I worry about things like that getting worse, I start making lists. Lists of what else I might be able to do. Lists of what else I could do without. Lists of ways in which I am already prepared for uncertainly. Lists of desperate moves I could make. I probably should keep my lists in a bound book, so that I can consult them for reassurance later, but I guess I just need to go through the list making exercise anyway.

  4. My English Castle Says:

    What great support from folks here. I like Joan's lists. Sometimes I ask myself, "What one thing can I do today?"
    We're all pulling for you, and hoping those office jobs come through.

  5. North Georgia Gal Says:

    Take a few deep breaths. Start making lists like suggested(I do that too). You will get through this.

  6. laura(momcents) Says:


    no doubt the blues do hit! i hope that you're day is brighter than your night was darker. you're a strong woman who has gotten this far. (hugs)

  7. ceejay74 Says:

    Oh my gosh, if anyone can do this, it's you! Look at your sidebar--income exceeding expenses while effectively unemployed? That's astonishing!

    That said, I really really hope you find something soon. It'll feel so incredible when you can relax a bit about money!

    And I think CB is right--the wee hours can make things feel more dreadful and hopeless than they actually are. I get insomnia occasionally and I always have such terrifying, pessimistic thoughts, when overall I'm an optimist.

  8. PatientSaver Says:

    Thanks everyone.

    Joan, we are cut from the same cloth. I am famous for my lists. As i look at my bulletin board now, I see SEVEN of them, tracking different income sources, my minimal monthly expenses, etc. The more planning and control I can take over my situation, the better I feel.

    You guys are great. I wish I could meet you all in person.

    I have to say in all honesty, that CT unemployment benefits are much more generous than some states, but that's becus the cost of living is very high.

  9. Thrifty Ray Says:

    I can only imagine what it must feel like to be in your shoes. The good news is that you have been financially responsible for so long that you are able to do what a vast majority would not be able to do in your situation..and that is to have more incoming than outgoing and not have to hit your nest egg to survive. In addition, you have a strong and valuable skill set that provides additional income while waiting for a good long term solution to come along. You are actively looking, you are thinking outside of the box, you are being careful...and most importantly, you are remembering to enjoy the journey and those you love along the way. I would say you are making the best of the situation. Smile You are an inspiration to others for sure. Thank you for that!

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